Wednesday, February 3, 2010
IT'S THE PITS TO BE SO DARN SMART
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.
One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think." The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"
The old man said, "I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong, too!"
One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think." The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"
The old man said, "I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong, too!"
Valentines Techniques
Author:
Tim Clark
The 1986 Old Farmer's Almanac
Herewith, from science and folklore, are over 20 surefire techniques for finding, attracting, and wedding the person you will love forever.
Roast hummingbird hearts, grind them into a powder, and sprinkle it on your beloved.
Kiss as many people as possible. Dr. Bubba Nicholson of Tampa, Florida, says that kissing is a way for us to taste semiochemicals on another's skin. Semiochemicals transmit biological signals of compatability and attraction.
Pluck a stalk of yarrow and stick it up your nose. If a drop of blood appears, your love is true.
Australian aborigines prepare a love potion from the testicles of kangaroos.
Think of the one you love while you swallow a four-leaf clover, and your love will be returned.
Upon hearing the first coo of a dove in the spring, take off your left stocking and look in the heel of it. You will find a hair the color of your true love's hair.
Swallow the heart of a wild duck.
On New Year's Eve, walk from one room to another while throwing a shoe over your shoulder, then look in a mirror and your mate's face will be there.
Place a snail in a pan of cornmeal, and the tracks it makes will spell your true love's initials.
Hide the dried tongue of a turtledove in a girl's room; she will love you forever.
In 18th-century France, a man told a woman three times that she was beautiful. The first time she was required to thank him, the second time to believe him, and the third time to reward him.
If you touch your little finger and forefinger behind your two middle fingers, you can have any sweetheart you like.
Swallow a white dove's heart, point downward, while resting your hand on the shoulder of one you love.
Hardboil an egg, cut it in half, discard the yolk, and fill the egg halves with salt. Sit on something you've never sat on before, eat the egg, and walk to bed backwards. You will dream of your future mate.
Walk around the block with your mouth full of water; if you don't swallow it, you will marry within the year.
Pull a hair from the head of a girl you like, and she will love you.
Pick an apple, prick it fll of holes, carry it for a while under your left arm, then give it to your lover.
If you stub your toe, kiss your thumb and you'll see your beau.
Cut your nails on nine Sundays in a row.
Stop looking. Many experts agree that searching for a perfect mate is doomed. Be flexible and commit to the unknown. But if you must look, then carry the heart of an owl with you at all times.
Tim Clark
The 1986 Old Farmer's Almanac
Herewith, from science and folklore, are over 20 surefire techniques for finding, attracting, and wedding the person you will love forever.
Roast hummingbird hearts, grind them into a powder, and sprinkle it on your beloved.
Kiss as many people as possible. Dr. Bubba Nicholson of Tampa, Florida, says that kissing is a way for us to taste semiochemicals on another's skin. Semiochemicals transmit biological signals of compatability and attraction.
Pluck a stalk of yarrow and stick it up your nose. If a drop of blood appears, your love is true.
Australian aborigines prepare a love potion from the testicles of kangaroos.
Think of the one you love while you swallow a four-leaf clover, and your love will be returned.
Upon hearing the first coo of a dove in the spring, take off your left stocking and look in the heel of it. You will find a hair the color of your true love's hair.
Swallow the heart of a wild duck.
On New Year's Eve, walk from one room to another while throwing a shoe over your shoulder, then look in a mirror and your mate's face will be there.
Place a snail in a pan of cornmeal, and the tracks it makes will spell your true love's initials.
Hide the dried tongue of a turtledove in a girl's room; she will love you forever.
In 18th-century France, a man told a woman three times that she was beautiful. The first time she was required to thank him, the second time to believe him, and the third time to reward him.
If you touch your little finger and forefinger behind your two middle fingers, you can have any sweetheart you like.
Swallow a white dove's heart, point downward, while resting your hand on the shoulder of one you love.
Hardboil an egg, cut it in half, discard the yolk, and fill the egg halves with salt. Sit on something you've never sat on before, eat the egg, and walk to bed backwards. You will dream of your future mate.
Walk around the block with your mouth full of water; if you don't swallow it, you will marry within the year.
Pull a hair from the head of a girl you like, and she will love you.
Pick an apple, prick it fll of holes, carry it for a while under your left arm, then give it to your lover.
If you stub your toe, kiss your thumb and you'll see your beau.
Cut your nails on nine Sundays in a row.
Stop looking. Many experts agree that searching for a perfect mate is doomed. Be flexible and commit to the unknown. But if you must look, then carry the heart of an owl with you at all times.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Funny
Note: My experience is that this is only intended as funny since I have many friends in older groups that don't need wheel chairs or elevators much less memory loss.
10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.
10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.
10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.
10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.
10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.
10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Mayo's Response to National Health Care
Apparently the American Medical Association has weighed in on the new Health Care
Initiatives from the Obama Administration....(please excuse some foul language)
The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea
shortsighted.
Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'
Oncologists fear it's malignant, while Osteopaths see it as holistic.
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington.
Initiatives from the Obama Administration....(please excuse some foul language)
The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea
shortsighted.
Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'
Oncologists fear it's malignant, while Osteopaths see it as holistic.
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington.
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