How Old is Grandma?

How Old Is Grandma?

Stay with this -- the answer is at the end.  It will blow you away.

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandmother about current events.  The grandson asked his grandmother what she thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.

The Grandmother replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:

'       television

'       penicillin

'       polio shots

'       frozen foods

'       Xerox

'       contact lenses

'       Frisbees and

'       the pill

There were no:

'       credit cards

'       laser beams or

'       ball-point pens

Man had not invented:

'       pantyhose

'       air conditioners

'       dishwashers

'       clothes dryers

'       and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and

'    man hadn't yet walked on the moon

Your Grandfather and I got married first, .. ... ... and then lived together.. 

Every family had a father and a mother.

Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir".

And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, "Sir."

We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.

Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense. 

We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.

Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege...

We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent. 

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins. 

Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the evening breeze started. 

Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings. 

We listened to Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios. 

And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey. 

If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan' on it, it was junk 

The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.... 

Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.

We had 5 & 10 stores;10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.

Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.

And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . .. . but who could afford one?

Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon. 

In my day:

'      "grass" was mowed,

'      "coke" was a cold drink,

'      "pot" was something your mother cooked in and

'      "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby.

'      "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office,

'      " chip" meant a piece of wood,

'      "hardware" was found in a hardware store and

'     "software" wasn't even a word.

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby.

No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generation gap.

How old do you think I am?

I bet you have this old lady in mind....you are in for a shock!

Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time. 

Are you ready ????? SCROLL DOWN

This woman would be only 59 years old.

Plant the Seed

A successful business man was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business.

Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together..

He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you." The young executives were Shocked, but the boss continued. "I am going to give each one of you a SEED today - one very special SEED. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you.
I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one
I choose will be the next CEO."

One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed.He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed. Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.

Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew.

Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still
nothing.

By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn't have a plant and he felt like a failure.

Six months went by -- still nothing in Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues, however, he just kept watering and fertilizing the soil - He so wanted the seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection.

Jim told his wife that he wasn't going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at
the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful -- in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!

When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his youngexecutives.

Jim just tried to hide in the back. "My, what great plants, trees and flowers you have grown," said the CEO. "Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!"

All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front. Jim was terrified. He thought, "The CEO knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!"

When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed - Jim told him the story.

The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, "Behold your next Chief Executive Officer!

His name is Jim!" Jim couldn't believe it. Jim couldn't even grow his seed.

"How could he be the new CEO?" the others said.

Then the CEO said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead - it was not possible for them to grow.

All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new
Chief Executive Officer!"

* If you plant honesty, you will reap trust

* If you plant goodness, you will reap friends

* If you plant humility, you will reap greatness

* If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment

* If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective

* If you plant hard work, you will reap success

* If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation
So, be careful what you plant now; it will determine what you will reap later.

Think about this for a minute.... 

 

Your aspiration is your motivation, your

motivation is your belief,

your belief is your peace,

your peace is your target,

your target is heaven, and life is like hard core torture without it!

Superman - a Canadian?

Canadian Fact of the day...
Although Superman was depicted as fighting for truth, justice, and the American way, he was co-created by a Canadian. Toronto-born Joe Shuster created the Man of Steel in the 1930s with his friend Jerry Siegal.

The Older Crowd

 
The Older Crowd

A distraught senior citizen

phoned her doctor's office.
'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 
'that the medication
you prescribed has to be taken
for the rest of my life?'
'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence
before the senior lady replied,
I'm wondering, then,
just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is marked
'NO REFILLS'....' 
Propagated by GerryKA2ALT  5/31/10
An older gentleman was 
on the operating table
awaiting surgery
and he insisted that his son,
a renowned surgeon,
perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia,
he asked to speak to his son.
'Yes, Dad, what is it? '
'Don't be nervous, son;
do your best
and just remember,
if it doesn't go well,
if something happens to me,
your mother
is going to come and
live with you and your wife....'

Aging: 
Eventually you will reach a point 
when you stop lying about your age
and start bragging about it.

 

The older we get,
the fewer things 
seem worth waiting in line for. 


Some people
try to turn back their odometers.
Not me!
I want people to know 'why'
I look this way.
I've traveled a long way
and some of the roads weren't paved..

When you are dissatisfied
and would like to go back to youth,
think of algebra.

You know you are getting old when
everything either dries up or leaks.

One of the many things 
no one tells you about aging
is that it is such a nice change
from being young.

Ah, being young is beautiful,
but being old is comfortable.

First you forget names,
then you forget faces.
then you forget to pull up your zipper.
It's worse when
you forget to pull it down....

 

Long ago 
when men cursed
and beat the ground with sticks,
it was called witchcraft....
today, it's called golf.

 

Two old guys 
are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart

when they collide.
The first old guy says to the second guy, 
'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
and I guess I wasn't paying attention
 to where I was going.

The second old guy says, 'That's OK, it's a coincidence..
I'm looking for my wife, too..'
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate'
The first old guy says, 'Well, 
maybe I can help you find her..
What does she look like?'

 The second old guy says, 
'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall,
with red hair, blue eyes, long legs,
and is wearing short shorts..
What does your wife look like?'

To which the first old guy says, 
 'Doesn't matter,
--- let's look for yours.'

Lord, 
please keep Your arm around my shoulder,

and, Your hand over my mouth!

LIFE HANDBOOK 2011

HANDBOOK 2011

HEALTH:

1.       Drink plenty of water.

2.       Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and  dinner like a beggar.

3.       Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..

4.       Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and

Empathy

5.       Make time to pray.

6.       Play more games

7.       Read more books than you did in 2010 .

8.       Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day

9.       Sleep for 7 hours.

10.    Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you  walk, smile.

Personality:

11.    Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

12.    Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

13.    Don't over do. Keep your limits.

14.    Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

15.    Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

16.    Dream more while you are awake

17.    Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

18.    Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your

partner with his/her mistakes of the past.   That will ruin your present happiness.

19.    Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

Don't hate others.

20.   Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the

present.

21.    No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

22.    Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.  Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like    algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

23.    Smile and laugh more.

24.    You don't have to win every argument.

Agree to disagree.

Society:

25.    Call your family often.

26.    Each day give something good to others.

27.    Forgive everyone for everything.

28.    Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under  the age of  6.

29.    Try to make at least three people smile each day.

30.    What other people think of you is none of your

business.

31.    Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.  Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32.    Do the right thing!

33.    Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

34.    GOD heals everything.

35.    However good or bad a situation is, it will change..

36.    No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

37.    The best is yet to come..

38.    When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.

39.    Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

The Middle Wife

 The  'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always  have a few sessions with my students.  It helps them get over shyness and  usually, show-and-tell  is pretty tame.   Kids bring in pet turtles, model  airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that.   And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them.
If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She  holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke,  my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's  stomach, and Luke grew in there.   He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica  puts a hand behind her back and groans.   'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'   (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car  like the Domino's man. They got my  Mom to lie down in bed like this.'   (Then Erica lies  down with her back against the  wall.)

'And  then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he
got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all  over the bed, like psshhheew!'
(This kid has her legs spread with her little hands mimicking water
flowing away. It was too  much!)

'Then  the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and  'breathe, breathe.
They  started counting, but never even got past ten.  Then, all of a sudden,
out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was
from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there.
When  he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day,
I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

Fix the Economy

 

The Fix

There recently was an article in the St. Petersburg , Fl. Times. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on: "How Would You Fix the Economy?" I think this guy nailed it!

Dear Mr. President,

Please find below my suggestion for fixing America's economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the "Patriotic Retirement Plan":

There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2) They MUST buy a new AMERICAN Car. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.

It can't get any easier than that!!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members in Congress pay their taxes..

Mr. President, while you're at it, make Congress retire on Social Security and Medicare. I'll bet both programs would be fixed pronto!

The Final Inspection

 

THE FINAL INSPECTION The Soldier stood and faced God,  Which must always come to pass.  He hoped his shoes were shining,  Just as brightly as his brass..   'Step forward now,Soldier ,  How shall I deal with you?  Have you always turned the other cheek?  To My Church have you been true?' The soldier squared his shoulders and said,  'No, Lord, I guess I ain't.  Because those of us who carry guns,  Can't always be a saint.   I've had to work most Sundays,  And at times my talk was tough.  And sometimes I've been violent,  Because the world is awfully rough.   But, I never took a penny, That wasn't mine to keep... Though I worked a lot of overtime,  When the bills got just too steep.   And I never passed a cry for help, Though at times I shook with fear.. And sometimes, God, forgive me,  I've wept unmanly tears.   I know I don't deserve a place, Among the people here. They never wanted me around,  Except to calm their fears   If you've a place for me here, Lord, It needn't be so grand. I never expected or had too much,  But if you don't, I'll understand.   There was a silence all around the throne, Where the saints had often trod. As the Soldier waited quietly,  For the judgment of his God.   'Step forward now, you Soldier, You've borne your burdens well. Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,  You've done your time in Hell.'   Author Unknown~   It's the Soldier, not the reporter  Who has given us the freedom of the press.   It's the Soldier, not the poet,  Who has given us the freedom of speech.   It's the Soldier, not the politicians  That ensures our right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness..   It's the Soldier who salutes the flag,  Who serves beneath the flag, And whose coffin is draped by the flag. If you care to offer the smallest token of recognition and appreciation for the Military, Pray for our men and women Who have served and are currently serving our country And pray for those who have given the ultimate sacrifice for freedom.... THESE COLORS DON'T RUN   AMEN!   We the people are the rightful masters of the Congress and the Courts - Not to overthrow the Constitution but to overthrow men Who pervert the Constitution. Abraham Lincoln WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE,

ONLY BECAUSE

OF THE BRAVE!God Bless Our Military