Wisconsin at War

WISCONSIN Declares War on the President 


President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

"Hello, President Obama," a heavily accented Norwegian voice said.
"'Dis here is Sven, over here at the Rod and Gun Club in Iola,
Wisconsin. Ve don't like some a yer policies so I am callin' to tell ya
that we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well, Sven," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big
is your army?"

"Right now," said Sven, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself,
my cousin Knute, my next-door-neighbor Ole, and the whole pool team
from the Rod & Gun. That makes eight!"

Barack paused, "I must tell you Sven that I have one million men in my
army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Sven, "I'll haf ta call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Sven called again. "Mr. Obama, da war is
still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Sven?" Barack asked.

"Vell sir, ve got two combines, a bulldozer, and Sigurd's farm tractor."

President  Obama sighed. "I must tell you Sven, that I have 16,000
tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army
to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"All right den, said Sven. "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Sven rang again the next day. "President Obama, da war
is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an'
modified Ole's ultra-light vit a couple'a shotguns in da cockpit,
and four boys from the coffee shop haf joined us as vell!"

Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I  must tell
you, Sven, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes.  My
military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Two million you say?," said Sven, "l'll haf' to call ya back."

Sure enough, Sven called again the next day. "President Obama! I am
sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Vell, sir," said Sven, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long
chat over a few beers, and come to realize that dar's yust no vay ve
can feed two million prisoners."

          WISCONSIN  CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN

If you're from Wisconsin , you won't even need to be told to pass this on.

GOD BLESS WISCONSIN !

Over 40+ will enjoy

Memories - Burma Shave and music/song by the Statler Bros.


http://oldfortyfives.com/DYRT.htm

Beautiful Kaleidoskope

Check this out ... after watching for a few seconds,

 move your cursor back and forth across the display...

http://inoyan.narod.ru/kaleidoskop.swf

The Wal-Mart Greeter

Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time.

Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.

"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."

"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear."

"Yes sir, I understand your concern and I'll try harder."

Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, "It's odd though your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning so late and so often?"

The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled.

He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin, "They usually saluted and said, Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University .  Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.
                               
            The average person over 40 years of
            age cannot do it!
                               
                                  1. This is this cat.
                                  2. This is is cat.
                                  3. This is how cat.
                                  4. This is to cat.
                                  5. This is keep cat.
                                  6. This is an cat.
                                  7. This is old cat.
                                  8..This is fart cat.
                                  9. This is busy cat.
                                  10. This is for cat.
                                  11. This is forty cat.
                                  12. This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.  Terrible tease.
passing it on!

I already knew I was dumber than the fifth graders sometimes...but now it's the preschoolers.

A PRE-SCHOOL TEST FOR YOU

Which way is the bus below traveling?
To the left or to the right?

Can't make up your mind?  Look carefully at the picture again..
Still don't know?

Pre-schoolers all over the United States
were shown this picture and asked the same question.
90% of the pre-schoolers gave this answer.
"The bus is traveling to the left."

When asked, "Why do you think the bus is traveling to the left?"
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
They answered:
"Because you can't see the door to get on the bus."

How do you feel now ???




I know, me too.
Have a nice day!

Turnabout Fair Play

Great example of personal 'greed', turnabout fair play, and bad karma coming back to haunt you!!!

This took place in Charlotte , North Carolina.  

A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.'

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued and WON!

(Stay with me.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable
'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.

NOW FOR THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This true story won First Place in last year's Criminal Lawyers Award
contest.

ONLY IN AMERICA ....

NO WONDER THE REST OF THE WORLD THINKS WE'RE NUTS