Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Stuff you probably didn't know!

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.

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Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
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Coca-Cola was originally green.
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It is impossible to lick your elbow.
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The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:  Alaska
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The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)

The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

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The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400
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The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour:  61,000

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Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair..
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The first novel ever written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.
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The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
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Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: 
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
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111,111,111 x 11,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321
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If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes
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Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4:
John Hancock and Charles Thomson.
Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
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Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
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Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
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Q.. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?
A. One thousand
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Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common?
A. All were invented by women.

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Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
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Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
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In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase...'Goodnight , sleep tight'
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It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because
their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
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In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.'

It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'
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Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.
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At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
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YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2010 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries...

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list
~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself

Monday, April 25, 2011

Bear Counting in Canada

Great video, have your sound on.


This is wonderful and the audio is hilarious! Enjoy.

(The link to this is at the bottom of the page. The park is named after the Algonquin Indians.)

This clip is great for animal lovers and young children -- Momma Bear and her three very young cubs in the wild of northern Ontario , Canada . Humane wildlife experts taking a winter bear census right in the hibernation dens.

You'll love this, besides the cute precious 6 week old baby bears (eyes still closed) the guy (Rick Mercer) has some of the funniest lines. This is a special video of retagging a momma bear.

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=vJRDpTUIrJI&vq=medium

The Gift

A WOMAN'S 1st. WEEK AT THE GYM


This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my husband purchased a week of personal training at the local health club.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

________________________________

MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!



Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines... I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!



Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

________________________________

TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.

_______________________________

WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.



Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.



My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.

_______________________________

THURSDAY:

Butt hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes. He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.

_________________________________

FRIDAY:

I hate that jackass Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.



Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

________________________________

SATURDAY:

Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..

________________________________

SUNDAY:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with
diamonds!!!

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Lexiphiles

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds,

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Interesting United States Weather Facts and Extremes

Top 10 cities with least weather variety based on temperature variation, precipitation, wind, severe weather

1. San Francisco, California
2. San Diego, California
3. Los Angeles, California
4. Santa Barbara, California
5. Eureka, California
6. Long Beach, California
7. Honolulu, Hawaii
8. Santa Maria, California
9. San Luis Obispo, California
10. Kahului, Hawaii


Top 10 hail prone cities based on frequency and severity of hail


1. Tulsa, Oklahoma
2. Amarillo, Texas
3. Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
4. Wichita, Kansas
5. Dallas / Fort Worth, Texas
6. Arlington, Texas
7. Denver, Colorado
8. Colorado Springs, Colorado
9. Shreveport, Louisiana
10. Kansas City, Missouri / Kansas

Top 10 Tropical storm / Hurricane prone cities average # of years with no storm. Totals based on data from 1871- 2007, hitting within 60 miles of the city


1. Cape Hatteras, North Carolina   2.49
2. Delray Beach, Florida               2.54             
3. Hollywood, Florida                   2.58
4. Deerfield Beach, Florida           2.58
5. Boca Raton, Florida                  2.58
6. Florida City, Florida                 2.63
7. Grand Isle, Louisiana                 2.63
8. Ft. Pierce, Florida                    2.69
9. Miami, Florida                          2.69
10. Ft. Lauderdale, Florida            2.69


Top 10 Tornado states - avg number of tornadoes per 10,000 square miles, occurring from 1953-2004


1. Florida                                        9.4
2. Oklahoma                                    8.2
3. Kansas                                         6.7
4. Iowa                                           6.6
5. Illinois                                         6.2
6. Indiana                                        6.1
7. Mississippi                                   5.7
8. Maryland                                     5.7
9. Louisiana                                     5.6 
10. Texas                                        5.2

Top 10 Thunderstorm cities - Avg annual number of thunderstorms


1. Fort Myers, Florida                     89
2. Tampa, Florida                           87
3. Tallahassee, Florida                    83
4. Gainesville, Florida                     81
5. Orlando, Florida                         80
6. Mobile, Alabama                         79
7. W. Palm Beach, Florida               79
8. Lake Charles, Louisiana               76
9. Daytona Beach, Florida               75
10. Vero Beach, Florida                  75


Top 10 Tornado prone cities - Ranked by tornadoes per 1,000 miles


1. Oklahoma City, Oklahoma         
2. Tulsa, Oklahoma
3. Dallas - Ft. Worth, Texas
4. Wichita, Kansas
5. Springfield, Missouri
6. Kansas City, Kansas / Missouri
7. Ft. Smith, Arkansas
8. Little Rock, Arkansas
9. Jackson, Mississippi
10. Birmingham, Alabama


Top 10 Earthquake prone states - #  of earthquakes in the last 30 years centered in the state

1. Alaska
2. California
3. Hawaii
4. Nevada
5. Washington
6. Idaho
7. Wyoming
8. Montana
9. Utah
10. Oregon


10 all-time hottest temperatures - Obtained from state temperature records, NCDC

1. Death Valley, California   134
2. Lake Havasu, Arizona       128
3. Laughlin, Nevada             125
4. Lakewood, New Mexico   122
5. Alton, Kansas                   121
6. Steele, North Dakota        121
7. Ozark, Arkansas                120
8. Tipton, Oklahoma             120
9. Seymour, Texas                120
10. Usta, South Dakota          120


10 all-time coldest temperatures - Obtained from state temperature records, NCDC


1. Prospect Creek, Alaska    -80
2. Rogers Pass, Montana      -70
3. Peters Sink, Utah            -69
4. Riverside, Wyoming        -66
5. Maybell, Colorado            -61
6. Tower, Minnesota            -60
7. Parshall, North Dakota      -60
8. Island Park Dam, Idaho      -60
9. McIntosh, South Dakota     -58
10. Couderay, Wisconsin       -55


10 hottest cities - Average annual temperature, F


1. Key West, Florida            77.7
2. Miami, Florida                 75.6
3. W Palm Beach, Florida     74.6
4. Ft. Myers, Florida            73.9
5. Yuma, Florida                  73.9
6. Brownsville, Texas           73.6
7. Orlando, Florida               72.4
8. Vero Beach, Florida          72.4
9. Corpus Christi, Texas        72.1
10. Tampa, Florida               72.0


10 coldest cities Average annual temperature, F

1. International Falls, Minnesota    36.4
2. Duluth, Minnesota                    38.2
3. Caribou, Maine                        38.9
4. Marquette, Michigan                 39.2
5. Sault Ste Marie, Michigan          39.7
6. Fargo, North Dakota                 40.5
7. Williston, North Dakota            40.8
8. Alamosa, Colorado                   41.2
9. Bismarck, North Dakota            41.3
10. St. Cloud, Minnesota               41.4


10 driest cities - Avg annual precipitation in inches


1. Yuma, Arizona                            2.65
2. Las Vegas, Nevada                      4.19
3. Bishop, California                       5.61
4. Bakersfield, California                 5.72
5. Phoenix, Arizona                         7.11
6. Alamosa, Colorado                       7.13
7. Reno, California                          7.49
8. Winslow, Arizona                        7.64
9. El Paso, Texas                             7.82
10. Winnemucca, Nevada                 7.82


10 wettest cities - Avg annual precipitation in inches


1. Hilo, Hawaii                               128.00
2. Quillayute, Washington                104.50
3. Astoria, Oregon                            69.60
4. Blue Canyon, California                 67.87
5. Mobile, Alabama                           64.64
6. Tallahassee, Florida                      64.59
7. Pensacola, Florida                        61.16
8. New Orleans, Louisiana                 59.74
9. W Palm Beach, Florida                  59.72
10. Miami, Florida                            59.55


10 snowiest cities - Avg annual precipitation in inches


1. Blue Canyon, California                240.8
2. Marquette, Michigan                    128.6
3. Sault Ste Marie, Michigan             116.7
4. Syracuse, New York                     111.6
5. Caribou, Maine                            110.4
6. Mount Shasta, California               104.9
7. Lander, Wyoming                         102.5
8. Flagstaff, Arizona                           99.9
9. Sexton Summit, Oregon                  97.8
10. Muskegon, Michigan                      97.0


8 windiest cities - Avg annual wind speed in mph


1. Blue Hill Observatory, Massachusetts  15.4
2. Dodge City, Kansas                           14.0
3. Amarillo, Texas                                 13.5
4. Rochester, Minnesota                         13.1
5. Casper, Wyoming                               12.9
6. Cheyenne, Wyoming                           12.9
7. Great Falls, Montana                            12.7
8. Goodland, Kansas                                12.6

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Easter Bunny

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.   He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.


The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.  Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD .


The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.  A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.


She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," ! he explains, I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."


The blonde says,"Don't worry."


She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.  She walks over to the limp,  dead Easter Bunny, bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.


The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.


Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet,  turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.


The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, 
"What is in that can?
What did you spray on the Easter Bunny ?"


The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

It says..






(Are you ready for this?)






(Are you sure?)




(You know you're gonna be sorry)






(Last chance)






(OK, here it is)






It says,



"Hair Spray"  "Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."





Happy Easter!!!

I Should Have Known

I finally figured out why I am so full-figured! As I was conditioning my hair in the shower this morning, I took time to read my shampoo bottle. I am in shock! The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my entire body says "for extra volume and body"! Seriously, why have I not noticed this before? Tomorrow I am going to start using "Dawn" dish soap! It says right on the bottle, "dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove". It pays to read the warning labels my friends!

Monday, April 11, 2011

Willys Jeep

This is one of the coolest things I've ever seen!


About 6 soldiers pull up on a main street in Halifax , Nova Scotia .   They're in a standard issue WWII type Willys Jeep.   In about 5 minutes, they completely disassemble the vehicle and reassemble it, then drive off in it fully operable!

The idea is to show the genius that went into the making of the jeep and its basic simplicity. Fantastic.   The Willys Jeep:

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=lgwF8mdQwlw&feature=player_embedded

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Too funny!

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'


The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses, 'Was I going up the stairs or down?

The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door'
===================

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, “Windy, isn't it?”

“No,”the second man replied, “it's Thursday.”

And the third man chimed in, “So am I. Let's have a beer.”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

A little old lady was going up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say “Supersex.”

She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, “Supersex.”

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, “I'll take the soup.”

========================

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is. ”

Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes; she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”

++++++++++++++++

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!”

“Heck,”said Herman, “It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!”

==================

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car--both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.' After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!”

Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh, crap, am I driving?”

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Let's Play

A Good Morning:

Go to http://www.lhj.com/app/splitwords/ to get your brain revved.

Next go to http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/ - click on the button shown; go toward the top to see the tabs to also give to stop hunger, help research for breast cancer,  fund raise for veterans, aid in child health, contribute toward literacy and save the rainforests.  If you still have time, go to the right side - there are tabs.  One of the tabs has many games you can play for free.  While playing you are helping fund raise for breast cancer research or sheltering animals.

Having done a good deed, move on to http://flashfabrica.com/f_learning/brain2/e_brain02.html to push your brain into high speed.

Now it's time to feed a pet at http://www.freekibble.com/default.asp?a=438 .

Okay, now you're rolling along.  It is sweepstakes time.  At http://win.betterrecipes.com/ you will be able to register for several sweepstakes.  Entry daily is allowed on several.  Note that you need to uncheck several boxes or you'll get lots of advertising.

Back to good deeds and learning.   Enjoy widening your vocabulary while providing rice to undernourished people at http://www.freerice.com/index.php .

Still have time?  Head for GameHouse.com for a free game each day.  Download it and play to your hearts content.

Finally for the diehard gamers, launch http://www.pogo.com/.  You will need to register just like you did at GameHouse.  The games are great and even offer a chance to win prizes.

When you feel geographically challenged - those news stories at place you can only guess at where they might be, go to http://www.rethinkingschools.org/just_fun/games/mapgame.html .  This site presents geography as a map puzzle.  It makes it fun while you learn.

Okay, now that you've fooled around, get back to your routine and have a great day!

An 85-year-old lady and the Funeral Director

The local news station was interviewing an 85-year-old lady because

she had just married for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt
like to be marrying again at 85, and then about her new husband's
occupation.

"He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't

mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they
did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.
after a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly,
explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her
early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, then a preacher
when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, the funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had
married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and patiently explained, " I married one for the money, two
for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

Very Special Year

This year we're going to experience four unusual dates. 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11 and that's not all...Take the last two digits of the year in which you were born -now add the age you will be this year, and the result will be 111 for everyone...!! This is the year of Money..!!! This year October will have 5 Sundays, 5 Mondays and 5 Saturdays.




This happens only every 823 years... These particular years are known as 'Moneybags'... The proverb goes that if you send this to eight good friends (already today translated from the Brazilian version..!) money will appear in the next four days as is explained in Chinese feng-shui... Those who don't continue the chain won't receive.. Its a mystery, but its worth a try..

Flower Garden

Launch the following link.  A black area appears - click here and there to watch your garden grow.

http://www.procreo.jp/labo/flower_garden.swf

You can almost smell them.