More Ole and Lena Jokes

Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared" the weather report said. "You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." Ole says "Jeez, okay," and gets up from his coffee.
The next day they're sitting down with their morning cups of coffee and the weather forecast is "There will be 2 to 4inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Again Ole says "Jeez, okay," and gets up from his coffee. Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast is "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..."
Just then the power goes out and Ole doesn't get the rest of the instructions. He turns to Lena and says "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?" And Lena replies "Aw, Ole, just leave the car in the garage today."
                                                                                                                                              
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Words of wisdom  - Ole says “Never buy a chain saw from a guy nicknamed “Stumpy.”
  
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Lena started on a diet after she stepped on a scale and a little card came out that said “One at a time, please.!”
                                                                                                                                              
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One day, Lena’s pastor asked her “Does Ole believe in life after death?”  Lena laughed, saying, “Ole doesn’t even believe in life after supper.”
                                                                                                                         
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Little Ole is a bit of a philosopher.  The other day, he asked little Lars,
Where do you suppose our parents learn all da rotten stuff dey tell us kids not to do??” 





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Ole and Lena were visiting relatives in North Dakota and they noticed the almost tree-less terrain.  Ole said “Da Nort Dakota state tree must be da telephone pole.”

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When Ole goes into a restaurant, he says “Get me a table near a waiter.”

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Ole was enjoying a drink in a bar after work.   The man on the bar stool next to him kept falling off.  Helpful Ole asked the bartender the man’s name and address.  Ole called a cab and on the way to the cab, the man kept falling down. Ole kept picking him up and finally got him into the cab.  When they got to the man’s house, Ole tried to help him out of the cab, but he kept falling down.  Finally, they made it to the front door and Ole rang the doorbell.  A lady came to the door and Ole said “Mrs. Yipperman, I brought your husband home.”  The lady said, “Where’s his wheel chair??”


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Ole’s neighbor,Sven, had a boy Sven, Jr.,who came home from school one day and asked  “Papa, I have da biggest feet in da third grade; is dat becoss I’m Norvegian?”  No, said Sven, dat’s because you’re nineteen.”
                                                                                                                                              
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A sign in the window of Ole’s restaurant -- “All you can keep down.. for $4.95.”


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At a midweek Easter service the pastor spotted Ole leaving the church during his rather lengthy sermon.  Next time he saw Ole the pastor asked him why he left so abruptly.  Ole explained he had to get a haircut.  The pastor asked “Why didn’t you get a haircut before my sermon??”  Ole said, “Because I didn’t need one then.”
   
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Ole’s house was swept away by a bad flood, and Ole climbed to the roof for safety.  A man came by with a boat and offered to take Ole to safety.  “No, don’t bodder, said Ole, “Da Lord vill take care of me.”  The water kept getting higher as the house floated down stream.  A helicopter spotted Ole on the roof and got near to Ole and offered to rescue him and take him to safety.  Ole said “Never mind, da Lord vill take care of me.”  More rain came and the water got higher and finally the floating house hit a river bank and knocked Ole into the water and he drowned.  Next thing he knew, Ole was standing before the Lord.  Ole said, “Say, Lord, how come you didn’t rescue me like I figured you would.??” “Well, Ole, said the Lord, “I gave you two chances.  First I sent you a boat and then I sent you a helicopter.”
   
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Lena  told Helga “Our little Ole just got a little puppy.”  - Helga says “How’s it working out?” - Lena says “Vell, ve’re sending him to obedience school, and if it works, ve’ll send da dog, too.”