The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Look at their website for all of the responses. Here are most...
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration : The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
3. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
4. Bozone : The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
5. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
6. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
7. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
8. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer, dude.
10. Decafalon : The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido : All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic Fit : The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzelbug : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor : The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4 Esplanade. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Negligent. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
6. Lymph. To walk with a lisp.
7. Gargoyle. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
8. Flatulence. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
9. Balderdash. A rapidly receding hairline.
10. Oyster. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
11. Frisbeetarianism. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
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From the Empress of The Washington Post's Style Invitational contest:
ReplyDeleteActually, there isn't any "Mensa Invitational" -- and I'm pretty sure that the writers of the words above aren't Mensa members. But The Washington Post does have a wonderfully clever humor contest called The Style Invitational. And two Style Invitational contests from 1998 are the sources of many -- but not all -- of the neologisms in the list above. (For example, "decafalon" isn't a one-letter change from "decathlon," is it? Or "caterpallor"?)
Much better to see the the current Invitational -- every week at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. We've had more than 600 contests since the ones above! The Style Invitational is published every Saturday in The Post's Style (features) section, and every Friday afternoon at about 3:30 Eastern time. There are neologism contests regularly, but also lots of other sources of humor as well.
For example, here are the top winners of a recent contest, which was to make up a word that has three consecutive letters in alphabetical order (results printed Feb. 20):
Coughin: A small enclosure designed especially for smokers. (John Glenn, Tyler, Tex.)
Mno: The kind of response that makes you want to ask her again. (Edmund Conti, Raleigh)
Noplow: Washington, D.C.'s, snow emergency plan. (Jack Clark, Westfield, N.J.)
. Geode-face: Someone whose beauty is "sparkling inside." (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)
In other forms of humor, here's a contest (Feb. 27, 2010) are to add novel similes to the "men are like ....," "women are like..." genre.
The top winners:
Women are like flashlights: Ones with two D's aren't always the brightest, but they'll do when the lights go out. (Russ Taylor, Vienna)
Men are like Swiss army knives: No matter how useful they appear, they mostly just pick teeth and open beer bottles. (Russell Beland, Fairfax)
Teenagers are like a freshly bottled wine: They might be palatable seven years from now. (David Kleinbard, Jersey City)
Men are like the TV yule log: They're easy to turn on, but you're not going to get much warmth out of them. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
This week, the results feature funny poems written about current news stories. And the new contest is to write a joke in one of four forms form such as "It's not the _____, it's the ____."
See the rest of the winners and learn how to enter the new contest (click on Week 859) at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. Or you can become a fan of "Washington Post Style" on Facebook (go to facebook.com/wapostyle ) and you'll get a link to the Invitational when it's posted. I hope you become a regular reader and maybe even a regular entrant.
Best,
The Empress of The Style Invitational
The Washington Post