Minnesotans

Jeff Foxworthy on Minnesota : 

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 
18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by,
You might live in Minnesota

If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights 
each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation, 
You might live in Minnesota

If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy", 
You might live in Minnesota

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March,
You might live in Minnesota

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there,
You might live in Minnesota

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead,
You might live in Minnesota

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You might live in Minnesota

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, 
You might live in Minnesota

If you know how to say...Wayzata. ..Mahtomedi. .Cloquet. Edina ..and Shakopee,
You might live in Minnesota

If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy,
You might live in Minnesota

If vacation means going "up north" for the weekend,
You might live in Minnesota

If you measure distance in hours,
You might live in Minnesota

If you know several people, who have hit deer more than once,
You might live in Minnesota

If you often switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, 
You might live in Minnesota

If you can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow 
during a raging blizzard without flinching, 
You might live in Minnesota

If you see people wearing hunting clothes at social events,
You might live in Minnesota

If you install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked,
You might live in Minnesota

If you think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and Venison,
You might live in Minnesota

If you carry jumper cables in your car, and your girlfriend knows how to use them,
You might live in Minnesota

If there are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time,
You might live in Minnesota

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit,
You might live in Minnesota

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow,
You might live in Minnesota

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and of course, road construction, 
You might live in Minnesota

If you can identify a southern or eastern accent,
You might live in Minnesota

If your idea of creative landscaping is a plastic deer next to your blue spruce,
You might live in Minnesota

If "Down South" to you means Iowa,
You might live in Minnesota

If you know "a brat" is something you eat, 
You might live in Minnesota

If you find -10 degrees "a little chilly", 
You might live in Minnesota

If you actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Minnesota friends, 
You might live in Minnesota

Hard to Believe....

 *ONE*


 Recently, when  I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.

 I asked for a half dozen nuggets.


 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the  teenager at the counter.

 'You don't?' I  replied.

 'We only have six, nine, or  twelve,' was the reply.

 'So I can't order a  half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'


 'That's right.'

 So I shook my head and  ordered six McNuggets *

 *

 TWO*


 I was checking  out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the  belt close to mine. I picked up one of those  'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they  wouldn't get mixed.

 After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code
 so she could scan it.    Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'

 I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I  don't think I'll buy that today.'

 She said  'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.

 She had no clue to what had just happened.

 *

 THREE


 A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.

 When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.' *

*

FOUR

 I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.    'Do you need some help?' I asked.

 She  replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I  can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would  have a battery to fit this?'

 'Hmmm, I don't  know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.

 'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered,  handing it and the car keys to me.  As I  took the key and manually unlocked the door, I  replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and  check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'


 * FIVE*

Several years ago,  we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day  she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I  do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the  secretary told her. With that, the intern took  her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it  on the photocopier and proceeded to make five  'blank' copies.


* SIX *

 A mother calls 911 very  worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the  mother says, 'I just gave him some ant  killer......'

 Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!' *

 **

May he rest in peace...

Dear Friends,

I have some very sad news out of Duluth this morning to share with everyone. 
This will bring about change in North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, and even parts 
of Canada. There will be far reaching ramifications that will strike at the very 
core of our heritage and souls.

To those in the rest of the country and world, I must report the tragic news 
that Ole was shot. He was up by the Canadian border on his 4-wheeler cutting some 
trees when some rangers looking for terrorists spotted him. According to the news 
reports, the rangers shouted to him over a loudspeaker, "Who are you and 
what are you doing?"
 
 Ole shouted back, "OLE..... BIN LOGGIN'!"
 
Ole is survived by his wife Lena and Lena's good friend Sven.

Canine Workforce

Launch and enjoy...

Dog Lovers...

Click on the following link:

www.dogwork.com/feeling/

I Started Out to...

AAADD   -   KNOW THE SYMPTOMS......PLEASE READ!

Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.   Somehow I feel better even though I have it!!

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. -  Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.  I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,  and notice that the can is full.

So I decide to put the bills back on the table & take out the garbage first.  But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway,

I may as well pay the bills first.  I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Pepsi aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. 
The Pepsi is getting warm. I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.  As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye.  They need water..

I put the Pepsi on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. 

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.  I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote  someone had left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs.   But first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers.  Quite a bit of it spills on the floor.  So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.  At the end of the day the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter, the flowers don't have enough water, there is still only 1 check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day,
and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.....

Something for Everyone!

A group of 15 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they only had $6.00 between them and Jimmy Johnson, that cute boy in Social Studies, lives on that street and they might see him and they can ride their bikes there.

10 years later, the group of 25 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the beer was cheap, they had free snacks, the band was good, there was no cover and there were lots of cute guys.

10 years later, at 35 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the cosmos were good, it was right near the gym and if they go late enough, there wouldn't be too many whiny little kids.

10 years later, at 45 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the martinis were big, and the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.

10 years later, at 55 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was reasonable, the wine list was good, they had windows that open in case of a hot flash, and fish is good for your cholesterol.

10 years later, at 65 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because lighting was good and they have an early bird special.

10 years later, at 75 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because food was not too spicy, the restaurant was handicapped accessible and they even had an elevator!

10 years later, at 85 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.