Chinese Feng Shui horoscope

This is a Chinese Feng Shui horoscope.
If you are honest this tells the truth.

Write your answers on paper. 
To find your Feng Shui horoscope scroll down.

1. Which is your favourite color: Red, Black, Blue, Green or Yellow?
2. Your first initial? 
3. Your month of birth?
4. Which color do you like more, Black or White?
5. The name of a person that is the same sex as you? 
6. Your favorite number? 
7. Do you like   California  or  Florida  more?
8. Do you like a   Lake  or the Ocean more?
9. Write down a Wish (a realistic one)


           When you are done, scroll down. Don't cheat!












Answers: 

1. If you choose: 
Red:     You are alert and your life is full of love. 
Black:   You are conservative and aggressive.
Green:  Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue:    You are spontaneous and love affection. 
Yellow: You are a very happy person & give good advice to those who are down.

2. If your initial is between:
A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R: You try to live your life to the max & your love life is soon to bloom.
S-Z: You like to help others and your future looks very bright. 

3. If you were born in:
Jan-Mar:  The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you
              fall in love with someone totally unexpected. 
Apr-Jun:   You will have a strong love relationship that will last forever.
Jul-Sep:    You will have a great year and will experience a major
               life changing experience for the good. 
Oct-Dec:   Your life will be great; you will find your soul mate.

4. If you choose:
Black: Your life is about to get better. You are more than ready for the
         change. 
White: You have a friend who completely confides in you and would do
          anything for you, but you may not realize it.

5. This person should be your Best Friend.

6. This is how many close friends you will have in your life time.

7. If you choose:
California :  You like adventure.
Florida :      You are a laid back person. 

8. If you choose: 
Lake :   You are loyal to your friends and your lover. You are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people. 

9. This wish will come true if you send this to 1 person in one hour. Send
this to ten people and it will come true before your next birthday

Dementia Quiz

 DEMENTIA QUIZ:
>
>     FIRST QUESTION:
>
> YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON, WHAT
> POSITION ARE YOU  IN?
>
>
>
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~  ~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ANSWER :  IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE FIRST,
> THEN YOU ARE  ABSOLUTELY WRONG! IF YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON AND
> YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE!
>
> TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME.
> NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION,
> BUT DON'T  TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS
> YOU TOOK FOR THE FIRST QUESTION,  OK?
>
>
>
>
>
> SECOND QUESTION:
> IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE....?
> (SCROLL  DOWN)
>
>
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~  ~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ANSWER: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU
> ARE.....
>  WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST
> PERSON??
>
>
> YOU'RE  NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU?
>
>
> THIRD QUESTION:
> VERY TRICKY ARITHMETIC! NOTE:
> THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY.
> DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR.
> TRY IT.
>
>
>
> TAKE 1000 AND ADD 40 TO IT. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000 NOW ADD 30.
> ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20 .. NOW  ADD ANOTHER 1000.
> NOW ADD 10.. WHAT IS THE TOTAL?
>
>
> SCROLL DOWN FOR THE CORRECT ANSWER.....
>
>
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~  ~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> DID YOU GET 5000?
>
> THE CORRECT ANSWER IS ACTUALLY 4100...
>
>
>
> IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, CHECK IT WITH A CALCULATOR!
> TODAY IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR DAY, IS IT?
>
> MAYBE  YOU'LL GET THE LAST QUESTION RIGHT....  MAYBE...
>
>
>
> FOURTH QUESTION:
>
> MARY'S FATHER HAS FIVE DAUGHTERS: 1.     NANA, 2. NENE, 3... NINI,
> 4. NONO, AND ???
> 2.     WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE FIFTH DAUGHTER?~~~~~~~~~~  ~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> DID YOU ANSWER NUNU? NO! OF COURSE IT ISN'T.
> HER NAME IS MARY! READ THE QUESTION AGAIN!
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> OKAY, NOW THE BONUS ROUND,
> I.E., A FINAL CHANCE TO REDEEM YOURSELF:
>
>
>
>
>
> A MUTE PERSON GOES INTO A SHOP AND WANTS TO BUY A TOOTHBRUSH.
> BY IMITATING THE ACTION OF BRUSHING HIS TEETH HE SUCCESSFULLY
> EXPRESSES HIMSELF TO THE SHOPKEEPER AND THE  PURCHASE IS DONE.
> NEXT, A BLIND MAN COMES INTO THE SHOP WHO WANTS TO BUY A PAIR OF
> SUNGLASSES; HOW DOES  HE INDICATE WHAT HE WANTS?
>
>
>
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~  ~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
>
>
>
>
> IT'S REALLY VERY SIMPLE
> HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR IT...
> DOES YOUR EMPLOYER ACTUALLY PAY YOU TO THINK??
> IF SO DO NOT LET THEM SEE YOUR ANSWERS FOR THIS TEST!
>
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~  ~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
> PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE
> SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!
> HAVE A NICE DAY sunshine, see you on the short yellow bus

Sven/Ole

There was a Midwestern phone company that was going to hire one team of telephone pole installers, and the boss had to choose between a team of two Norwegian guys and a team of two Irish guys.  So the boss met with both teams and said, "Here's what we'll do.   Each team will be installing poles out on the new road for a day.   The team that installs the most phone poles gets the job."

Both teams headed right out.   At end of the shift, Pat and Mike O’Shea, the Irish guys, came back, and the boss asked them how many
they had installed.   They said that it was tough going, but they'd put in twelve.

Forty-five minutes later, Sven and Ole Olson, the Norwegian guys came back in, and they were totally exhausted.

The boss asked, "Well, how many poles did you guys install?"

Ole, the team leader, wiped his brow and sighed, "Sven and me, we got three in."

The boss gasped,   "Three? Those two Irish guys put in twelve!"
"Yeah," said Ole, "but you should see how much they left stickin' out of the ground."

Who should you marry?

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?    (written by kids)      

 

 

You  got to find somebody who likes the same stuff Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.    

  --  Alan, age 10  

   

  No  person really decides before they grow up who they're  going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you  get to find out later who you're stuck with.    

  --  Kristen, age  10     

 

2.     WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?     

Twenty-three is the best age because you know  the person FOREVER by then.   

  --   Camille, age 10    

 

3.   HOW

CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?     

  You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.  

  --  Derrick, age  8     

 

4.     WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?     

  Both  don't want any more kids.      

  --  Lori,  age 8     

 

5.     WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?     

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.    

  --  Lynnette, age  8       (isn't  she a treasure)  

   

  On  the first date, they just tell each other lies and that  usually gets them interested enough to go for a second  date.   

  --  Martin, age  10     

 

6.     WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?      

  When they're rich.    

  --  Pam, age  7   ( Love her )

  -The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.   

  - - Curt, age   7

     

-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.     

  - - Howard,  age 8     

 

7.       IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?     

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.   

  --  Anita, age 9    (bless you child )    

 

8.     HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?      

  There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?   

  --  Kelvin, age 8     

 

And the #1 Favorite is   .........     

 

9.     HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?      

  Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.

Skinny Dipping

Skinny Dipping

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. 

He had a large pond in the back. 

It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. 

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. 

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. 

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women

  skinny-dipping in his pond

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. 

One of the women shouted to him,

"we're not coming out of this pond until you leave."

The old man frowned, "I didn't come

down here to watch you ladies swim naked,

or to make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding the bucket up he said:

"I'm just here to feed the alligator."

Some old men can still think fast.

Two Little Boys

Two Little Boys 

After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the  puddles through her kitchen window. The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole.   As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother ran to the yard in a panic.   'Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!' she asked as she shook the older boy in anger..  'We were just playing 'church' mommy,' he said. 'I was just baptizing him......in the name of Father, the Son and in... the hole he goes.'

This was written by a black gentleman in Texas  and is so funny. What a great sense of humor  
And creativity!!!

When U Black, U Black

When I was born, I was BLACK ,
When I grew up, I was BLACK ,
When I went in the sun, I stayed BLACK,
When I got cold, I was BLACK ,
When I was scared, I was BLACK ,
When I was sick, I was BLACK ,
And when I die, I'll still be BLACK ,

NOW, You 'white' folks....

When you're born, you're PINK,
When you grow-up, you're WHITE ,
When you go in the sun, you get RED,
When you're cold, you turn BLUE,
When you're scared, you're YELLOW,
When you get sick, you're GREEN
When you bruise, you turn PURPLE ,
And when you die, you look GRAY.
So who y'all be callin'
COLORED Folks?