Dying Wisdom

In a convent in Ireland,the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying.
The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable.  They tried giving her warm milk to drink

but she refused it.

One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.  Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips.

The frail nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.

As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.

"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us."

She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said:  "Don't sell that cow."

The Slacker

                    Arcelor-Mittal Steel in Australia, feeling it was  time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.

                            The new boss was determined to rid the  company of all slackers.


                            On a tour of the facilities, the CEO  noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and  he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy,  "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young man  looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week.. Why?

                            The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked  back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and  don't come back."

                            Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO  looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what  that goof-ball did here?"

                            From across the room a voice said, "Pizza  delivery guy."

2nd Graders' View of Moms

WHY GOD MADE MOMS

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?

1.  She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2..  Mostly to clean the house.

3.  To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1.  He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2.  Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

3.  God made my mom just the same like he made me.  He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1.  God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.

2.  They had to get their start from men's bones.  Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

1.  We're related.

2.  God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.

What kind of a little girl was your mom?

1.  My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.

2.  I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

3.  They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1.  His last name.

2.  She had to know his background.  Like is he a crook?  Does he get drunk on beer?

3.  Does he make at least $800 a year?  Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?

1..  My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world.  And my mom eats a lot

2.  She got too old to do anything else with him.

3.  My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?

1.  Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.

2.  Mom.  You can tell by room inspection.  She sees the stuff under the bed.

3.  I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?

1.  Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.

2.  Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them..

3.  Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.

4.  Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?

1.  Mothers don't do spare time.

2.  To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?

1.  On the inside she's already perfect.  Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

2.  Diet.  You know, her hair.  I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?

1.  She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean.  I'd get rid of that.

2.  I'd make my mom smarter..  Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.

3.  I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Seagull lunches on Cat's Food

This is a delightful video:
http://www.flixxy.com/seagull-and-cat.htm

THE DOLL

I was walking around in a Wal Mart store, when I saw a Cashier hand this
little boy some money back.

The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old..

The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this
doll..'

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you
sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy
this doll, my dear.''

Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look
around. She left quickly.

The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand..

Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this
doll to.

'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.

She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.'

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all,
and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where
she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to
my sister when she goes there.'

His eyes were so sad while saying this.. 'My Sister has gone to be with
God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mommy not
to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.'

Then he showed me a very nice photo of himself. He was laughing. He then
told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.'

'I love my mommy and I wish she didn't have to leave me, but daddy says
that she has to go to be with my little sister.'

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check
again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll!''

OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his
without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money..

The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'

Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep
for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy
could give it to my sister. He heard me!''

'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but
I didn't dare to ask God for too much.. But He gave me enough to buy the
doll and a white rose.''

'My mommy loves white roses.'

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.

I finished my shopping in a totally different state of mind from when I
started.

I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.

The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical
state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the
life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to
recover from the coma.

Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news
paper that the young woman had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to
the funeral home where the body of the young woman was for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand
with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for
ever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is
still, to this day, hard to imagine.

And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from
him.

All Gave Some, Some Gave All

A beautiful tribute:

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=KTb6qdPu8JE

Road Rage

The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious copper. The cop ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

He took her to the station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a cop approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally....I assumed you had
stolen the car."

Priceless