The Black Lab

To all the dog lovers I know: This is well worth taking the time to read. Great Dog Story ! They told me the big black Lab's name was Reggie, as I looked at him lying in his pen.. The shelter was clean, no-kill, and the people really friendly. I'd only been in the area for six months, but everywhere I went in the small college town, people were welcoming and open Everyone waves when you pass them on the street. But something was still missing as I attempted to settle in to my new life here, and I thought a dog couldn't hurt. Give me someone to talk to. And I had just seen Reggie's advertisement on the local news. The shelter said they had received numerous calls right after, but they said the people who had come down to see him just didn't look like "Lab people," whatever that meant. They must've thought I did. But at first, I thought the shelter had misjudged me in giving me Reggie and his things, which consisted of a dog pad, bag of toys almost all of which were brand new tennis balls, his dishes, and a sealed letter from his previous owner. See, Reggie and I didn't really hit it off when we got home. We struggled for two weeks (which is how long the shelter told me to give him to adjust to his new home). Maybe it was the fact that I was trying to adjust, too. Maybe we were too much alike. For some reason, his stuff (except for the tennis balls --- he wouldn't go anywhere without two stuffed in his mouth) got tossed in with all of my other unpacked boxes. I guess I didn't really think he'd need all his old stuff, that I'd get him new things once he settled in But it became pretty clear pretty soon that he wasn't going to. I tried the normal commands the shelter told me he knew, ones like "sit" and "stay" and "come" and "heel," and he'd follow them - when he felt like it.  He never really seemed to listen when I called his name --- sure, he'd look in my direction after the fourth or fifth time I said it, but then he'd just go back to doing whatever. When I'd ask again, you could almost see him sigh and then grudgingly obey. This just wasn't going to work. He chewed a couple shoes and some unpacked boxes. I was a little too stern with him and he resented it, I could tell. The friction got so bad that I couldn't wait for the two weeks to be up, and when it was, I was in full-on search mode for my cell phone amid all of my unpacked stuff. I remembered leaving it on the stack of boxes for the guest room, but I also mumbled, rather cynically, that the "damn dog probably hid it on me." Finally I found it, but before I could punch up the shelter's number, I also found his pad and other toys from the shelter...I tossed the pad in Reggie's direction and he snuffed it and wagged, some of the most enthusiasm I'd seen since bringing him home. But then I called, "Hey, Reggie, you like that? Come here and I'll give you a treat." Instead, he sort of glanced in my direction --- maybe "glared" is more accurate --- and then gave a discontented sigh and flopped down .... with his back to me. Well, that's not going to do it either, I thought. And I punched the shelter phone number. But I hung up when I saw the sealed envelope. I had completely forgotten about that, too. "Okay, Reggie," I said out loud, "let's see if your previous owner has any advice." ____________ _________ _________ _________ To Whoever Gets My Dog: Well, I can't say that I'm happy you're reading this, a letter I told the shelter could only be opened by Reggie's new owner. I'm not even happy writing it. If you're reading this, it means I just got back from my last car ride with my Lab after dropping him off at the shelter.   He knew something was different. I have packed up his pad and toys before and set them by the back do or before a trip, but this time... it's like he knew something was wrong. And something is wrong...which is why I have to go to try to make it right.  So let me tell you about my Lab in the hopes that it will help you bond with him and he with you. First, he loves tennis balls. The more the merrier. Sometimes I think he's part squirrel, the way he hordes them. He usually always has two in his mouth, and he tries to get a third in there. Hasn't done it yet. Doesn't matter where you throw them, he'll bound after it, so be careful - really don't do it by any roads. I made that mistake once, and it almost cost him dearly. Next, commands. Maybe the shelter staff already told you, but I'll go over them again: Reggie knows the obvious ones --- "sit," "stay," "come," "heel." He knows hand signals: "back" to turn around and go back when you put your hand straight up; and "over" if you put your hand out right or left. "Shake" for shaking water off, and "paw" for a high-five. He does "down" when he feels like lying down --- I bet you could work on that with him some more. He knows "ball" and "food" and "bone" and "treat" like nobody's business. I trained Reggie with small food treats. Nothing opens his ears like little pieces of hot dog. Feeding schedule: twice a day, once about seven in the morning, and again at six in the evening. Regular store-bought stuff; the shelter has the brand. He's up on his shots. Call the clinic on 9th Street and update his info with yours; they'll make sure to send you reminders for when he's due. Be forewarned: Reggie hates the vet. Good luck getting him in the car. I don't know how he knows when it's time to go to the vet, but he knows. Finally, give him some time. I've never been married, so it's only been Reggie and me for his whole life He's gone everywhere with me, so please include him on your daily car rides if you can. He sits well in the backseat, and he doesn't bark or complain. He just loves to be around people, and me most especially. Which means that this transition is going to be hard, with him going to live with someone new. And that's why I need to share one more bit of info with you.... His name's not Reggie. I don't know what made me do it, but when I dropped him off at the shelter, I told them his name was Reggie.  He's a smart dog, he'll get used to it and will respond to it, of that I have no doubt. But I just couldn't bear to give them his real name. For me to do that, it seemed so final, that handing him over to the shelter was as good as me admitting that I'd never see him again. And if I end up coming back, getting him, and tearing up this letter, it me and everything's fine. But if someone else is reading it, well ... well it means that his new owner should know his real name. It'll help you bond with him. Who knows, maybe you'll even notice a change in his demeanor if he's been giving you problems. His real name is "Tank".  Because that is what I drive. Again, if you're reading this and you're from the area, maybe my name has been on the news. I told the shelter that they couldn't make "Reggie" available for adoption until they received word from my company  commander. See, my parents are gone, I have no siblings, no one I could've left Tank with ... and it was my only real request of the Army upon my deployment to Iraq , that they make one phone call.. the shelter .. in the "event" ... to tell them that Tank could be put up for adoption. Luckily, my colonel is a dog guy, too, and he knew where my platoon was headed. He said he'd do it personally. And if you're reading this, then he made good on his word. Well, this letter is getting downright depressing, even though, frankly, I'm just writing it for my dog. I couldn't imagine if I was writing it for a wife and kids and family ... but still, Tank has been my family for the last six years, almost as long as the Army has been my family. And now I hope and pray that you make him part of your family and that he will adjust and come to love you the same way he loved me. That unconditional love from a dog is what I take with me to Iraq as an inspiration to do something selfless, to protect innocent people from those who would do terrible things ... and to keep those terrible people from coming over here. If I have to give up Tank in order to do it, I am glad to have done so. He is my example of service and of love. I hope I honored him by my service to my country and comrades. All right, that's enough. I deploy this evening and have to drop this letter off at the shelter. I don't think I'll say another good-bye to Tank, though. I cried too much the first time. Maybe I'll peek in on him and see if he finally got that third tennis ball in his mouth. Good luck with Tank. Give him a good home, and give him an extra kiss goodnight - every night - from me. Thank you, Paul Mallory  ____________ _________ _________ _______ I folded the letter and slipped it back in the envelope. Sure I had heard of Paul Mallory, everyone in town knew him, even new people like me. Local kid, killed in Iraq a few months ago and posthumously earning the Silver Star when he gave his life to save three buddies. Flags had been at half-mast all summer. I leaned forward in my chair and rested my elbows on my knees, staring at the dog. "Hey, Tank," I said quietly. The dog's head whipped up, his ears cocked and his eyes bright. "C'mere boy." He was instantly on his feet, his nails clicking on the hardwood floor. He sat in front of me, his head tilted, searching for the name he hadn't heard in months. "Tank," I whispered. His tail swished. I kept whispering his name, over and over, and each time, his ears lowered, his eyes softened, and his posture relaxed as a wave of contentment just seemed to flood him. I stroked his ears, rubbed his shoulders, buried my face into his scruff and hugged him. "It's me now, Tank, just you and me.  Your old pal gave you to me." Tank reached up and licked my cheek. "So whatdaya say we play some ball?" His ears perked again.. "Yeah? Ball? You like that? Ball?" Tank tore from my hands and disappeared in the next room. And when he came back, he had three tennis balls in his mouth. TAKE TIME TO WATCH:    http://www.angelfire.com/ak2/intelligencerreport/boy_dog.html

Minnesotans

Jeff Foxworthy on Minnesota : 

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 
18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by,
You might live in Minnesota

If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights 
each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation, 
You might live in Minnesota

If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy", 
You might live in Minnesota

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March,
You might live in Minnesota

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there,
You might live in Minnesota

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead,
You might live in Minnesota

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You might live in Minnesota

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, 
You might live in Minnesota

If you know how to say...Wayzata. ..Mahtomedi. .Cloquet. Edina ..and Shakopee,
You might live in Minnesota

If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy,
You might live in Minnesota

If vacation means going "up north" for the weekend,
You might live in Minnesota

If you measure distance in hours,
You might live in Minnesota

If you know several people, who have hit deer more than once,
You might live in Minnesota

If you often switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, 
You might live in Minnesota

If you can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow 
during a raging blizzard without flinching, 
You might live in Minnesota

If you see people wearing hunting clothes at social events,
You might live in Minnesota

If you install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked,
You might live in Minnesota

If you think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and Venison,
You might live in Minnesota

If you carry jumper cables in your car, and your girlfriend knows how to use them,
You might live in Minnesota

If there are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time,
You might live in Minnesota

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit,
You might live in Minnesota

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow,
You might live in Minnesota

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and of course, road construction, 
You might live in Minnesota

If you can identify a southern or eastern accent,
You might live in Minnesota

If your idea of creative landscaping is a plastic deer next to your blue spruce,
You might live in Minnesota

If "Down South" to you means Iowa,
You might live in Minnesota

If you know "a brat" is something you eat, 
You might live in Minnesota

If you find -10 degrees "a little chilly", 
You might live in Minnesota

If you actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Minnesota friends, 
You might live in Minnesota

Hard to Believe....

 *ONE*


 Recently, when  I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.

 I asked for a half dozen nuggets.


 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the  teenager at the counter.

 'You don't?' I  replied.

 'We only have six, nine, or  twelve,' was the reply.

 'So I can't order a  half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'


 'That's right.'

 So I shook my head and  ordered six McNuggets *

 *

 TWO*


 I was checking  out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the  belt close to mine. I picked up one of those  'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they  wouldn't get mixed.

 After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code
 so she could scan it.    Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'

 I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I  don't think I'll buy that today.'

 She said  'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.

 She had no clue to what had just happened.

 *

 THREE


 A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.

 When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.' *

*

FOUR

 I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.    'Do you need some help?' I asked.

 She  replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I  can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would  have a battery to fit this?'

 'Hmmm, I don't  know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.

 'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered,  handing it and the car keys to me.  As I  took the key and manually unlocked the door, I  replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and  check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'


 * FIVE*

Several years ago,  we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day  she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I  do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the  secretary told her. With that, the intern took  her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it  on the photocopier and proceeded to make five  'blank' copies.


* SIX *

 A mother calls 911 very  worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the  mother says, 'I just gave him some ant  killer......'

 Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!' *

 **