Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Celeb homes

Oprah's home

J-Lo and Mark Anthony home:


 Maria and Arnold Schwarzenegger home:


Eddie Murphy home



Billy Joel home:


Syvester Stallone



Tiger Wood home - old and new



Startling Starlings at the Car Wash

Bill owns a company that manufactures and installs car wash systems. Bill's company installed a car wash system in Frederick, Md. Now, understand that these are complete systems, including the money changer and money taking machines.



The problem started when the new owner complained to Bill that he was losing significant amounts of money from his coin machines each week.




He went as far as to accuse Bill's employees of having a key to the boxes and ripping him off. Bill just couldn't believe that his people would do that, so they setup a camera to catch the thief in action. Well, they did catch him on film!

That's a bird sitting on the change slot of the machine.


The bird had to go down into the machine and back up inside to get the money!



That 's three quarters he has in his beak! Another amazing thing is that it was not just one bird -- there were several working together. Once they identified the thieves, they found over $4,000 in quarters on the roof of the car wash and more under a nearby tree.


And you thought you heard of everything by now!!

And to think the phrase "bird brain" is associated with being dumb.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Philosphy of Ambiguity

1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.....

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, 'WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?' SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

7. IF A DEAF PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGER S GO TO 'GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?'

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15 WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

25. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

26. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

27. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE
'S' IN IT?

29.. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED HEMORRHOIDS' INSTEAD OF 'ASSTEROIDS'?

30. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

31. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

32. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?

33. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Turkey's Treasure - Pamukkale

VERY BEAUTIFUL AND SOMETHING MOST OF US WILL NEVER GET TO GO SEE
.... SO HERE IT IS FOR YOU TO SEE VIA PICTURES.  A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT ....

SOMETHING TO SIT BACK AND ENJOY. I AM GUESSING NONE OF YOU HAVE EVER BEEN THERE TO SEE IT IN PERSON.

This is a power point presentation. (If you don't have Power Point on your computer, download the view at www.Microsoft.com.)
Note that the Sendspace website has several "Download"s. Pick
the one midway down the page with the red arrow.


http://www.sendspace.com/file/n9unpf

Click on each picture for the script to pop up at the bottom.
Keeping clicking--sometimes; it takes more than one click.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Why men don't live as long as women

.
Isn't this a violation of seatbelt laws?

.
Shouldn't he be wearing a life jacket?

Wonder what he makes an hour?  It can't be enough.


.
Who needs a truck?


Oh Yeah - THAT'S safe.


HUMMM - Guess he couldn't see the big yellow CLEARANCE sign.


Hey, I strapped it down!




Oh, he has a special license to drive that truck.

No problem.  I can see through the holes.

It starts at a young age and just gets worse.

You hold it while I whack it with a hammer.


A new OSHA approved substitute for a ladder.


Ropes are for sissies.


All I want to know is HOW?


Now I want to know WHY?

Standing on a ladder on a BUCKET.  Brilliant.



 THAT can't be right.

Hummm.at least somebody is holding the ladder steady.



WHY MEN SHOULD TAKE MESSAGES............................................



To pun or not to pun - this is the question.

The ability to make and understand puns is considered to be the highest level of language development. Test your pun comprehension:


1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain , they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ... a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, I hope that at least one of these puns will make you laugh. I can't imagine that no pun in ten did.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Unbelievable courage...

Launch this to see a very remarkable story...


http://dailynightly.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/07/11/265756.aspx