In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'
Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented.. It was ruled 'Gentlemen
Only....Ladies Forbidden'.. .and thus, the word GOLF entered into the English language.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma
Flintstone.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this....)
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:
$ 16,400
The average number of people airborne over the U.S.. in any given hour:
61,000
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair..
The first novel ever written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air,
the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, John Hancock
and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
Q. Half of all
Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
Q. Most boat owners
name their boats. What is the most popular boat name
requested?
A. Obsession
Q.. If you were to
spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you
would find the letter 'A'?
A. One thousand
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common?
A. All were invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase...'Goodnight , sleep tight'
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the
wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when
customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.' It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or
handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
Believe it or not, you can read it.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The haonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a
taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...
1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is
home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first
20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this
message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no No9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a No9 on this
list
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Blonde Joke
A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO, WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP, AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS, AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS, AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK. THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY, AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY..
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
"I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO ".
IT'S THE PITS TO BE SO DARN SMART
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.
One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think." The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"
The old man said, "I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong, too!"
One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think." The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"
The old man said, "I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong, too!"
Valentines Techniques
Author:
Tim Clark
The 1986 Old Farmer's Almanac
Herewith, from science and folklore, are over 20 surefire techniques for finding, attracting, and wedding the person you will love forever.
Roast hummingbird hearts, grind them into a powder, and sprinkle it on your beloved.
Kiss as many people as possible. Dr. Bubba Nicholson of Tampa, Florida, says that kissing is a way for us to taste semiochemicals on another's skin. Semiochemicals transmit biological signals of compatability and attraction.
Pluck a stalk of yarrow and stick it up your nose. If a drop of blood appears, your love is true.
Australian aborigines prepare a love potion from the testicles of kangaroos.
Think of the one you love while you swallow a four-leaf clover, and your love will be returned.
Upon hearing the first coo of a dove in the spring, take off your left stocking and look in the heel of it. You will find a hair the color of your true love's hair.
Swallow the heart of a wild duck.
On New Year's Eve, walk from one room to another while throwing a shoe over your shoulder, then look in a mirror and your mate's face will be there.
Place a snail in a pan of cornmeal, and the tracks it makes will spell your true love's initials.
Hide the dried tongue of a turtledove in a girl's room; she will love you forever.
In 18th-century France, a man told a woman three times that she was beautiful. The first time she was required to thank him, the second time to believe him, and the third time to reward him.
If you touch your little finger and forefinger behind your two middle fingers, you can have any sweetheart you like.
Swallow a white dove's heart, point downward, while resting your hand on the shoulder of one you love.
Hardboil an egg, cut it in half, discard the yolk, and fill the egg halves with salt. Sit on something you've never sat on before, eat the egg, and walk to bed backwards. You will dream of your future mate.
Walk around the block with your mouth full of water; if you don't swallow it, you will marry within the year.
Pull a hair from the head of a girl you like, and she will love you.
Pick an apple, prick it fll of holes, carry it for a while under your left arm, then give it to your lover.
If you stub your toe, kiss your thumb and you'll see your beau.
Cut your nails on nine Sundays in a row.
Stop looking. Many experts agree that searching for a perfect mate is doomed. Be flexible and commit to the unknown. But if you must look, then carry the heart of an owl with you at all times.
Tim Clark
The 1986 Old Farmer's Almanac
Herewith, from science and folklore, are over 20 surefire techniques for finding, attracting, and wedding the person you will love forever.
Roast hummingbird hearts, grind them into a powder, and sprinkle it on your beloved.
Kiss as many people as possible. Dr. Bubba Nicholson of Tampa, Florida, says that kissing is a way for us to taste semiochemicals on another's skin. Semiochemicals transmit biological signals of compatability and attraction.
Pluck a stalk of yarrow and stick it up your nose. If a drop of blood appears, your love is true.
Australian aborigines prepare a love potion from the testicles of kangaroos.
Think of the one you love while you swallow a four-leaf clover, and your love will be returned.
Upon hearing the first coo of a dove in the spring, take off your left stocking and look in the heel of it. You will find a hair the color of your true love's hair.
Swallow the heart of a wild duck.
On New Year's Eve, walk from one room to another while throwing a shoe over your shoulder, then look in a mirror and your mate's face will be there.
Place a snail in a pan of cornmeal, and the tracks it makes will spell your true love's initials.
Hide the dried tongue of a turtledove in a girl's room; she will love you forever.
In 18th-century France, a man told a woman three times that she was beautiful. The first time she was required to thank him, the second time to believe him, and the third time to reward him.
If you touch your little finger and forefinger behind your two middle fingers, you can have any sweetheart you like.
Swallow a white dove's heart, point downward, while resting your hand on the shoulder of one you love.
Hardboil an egg, cut it in half, discard the yolk, and fill the egg halves with salt. Sit on something you've never sat on before, eat the egg, and walk to bed backwards. You will dream of your future mate.
Walk around the block with your mouth full of water; if you don't swallow it, you will marry within the year.
Pull a hair from the head of a girl you like, and she will love you.
Pick an apple, prick it fll of holes, carry it for a while under your left arm, then give it to your lover.
If you stub your toe, kiss your thumb and you'll see your beau.
Cut your nails on nine Sundays in a row.
Stop looking. Many experts agree that searching for a perfect mate is doomed. Be flexible and commit to the unknown. But if you must look, then carry the heart of an owl with you at all times.
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