An Arab Sheik was admitted to Abbott-Northwestern Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out to all the states.Finally a New London, Minnesota Norwegian was located who had the right blood type.
The Norwegian, whose name was Gene Hanson, willingly donated his blood for the Arab.After the surgery, the Arab sent Gene, as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, a pile of diamonds & several million U.S. dollars.
A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through some corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned Gene who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent Gene a thank-you card and five pounds of lutefisk.Gene was shocked that time the Arab did not reciprocate with a new car, diamonds, and money.
He phoned the Arab & said: "I thought dat you vould be yenerous again, and dat you vould give me anudder BMW, diamonds & money... But you only gave me a tank-you card & some lutefisk."To this the Arab replied: "Ya, but now I haf Norvegian blood in my veins so I gotta tink tvice before I spend."
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Sven & Ole - Unemployment
Sven and Ole worked together in a Minnesota factory.....and both were laid
off. So...dey went to the Unemployment Office togedder.
Asked his occupation, Ole said, "Panty Stitcher.. I sew da elastic onto
da ladies cotton panties."
The clerk looked up Panty Stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled
labor, she gave Ole $300 a week in unemployment compensation.
Sven, when asked his occupation replied, "Diesel Fitter".
The clerk looked up Diesel Fitter...and it was classified as a skilled
job. So, the clerk gave Sven $600 a week in unemployment compensation.
When Ole found this out, he was furious! He stormed back into the office
to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his
benefits.
The clerk explained, "Panty Stitchers are unskilled labor and Diesel
Fitters are skilled labor."
"Vat skill? yelled Ole. "I sew da elastic on da panties.
Sven puts dem over his head and says, "Yah, ------------- DIESEL FITTER".
off. So...dey went to the Unemployment Office togedder.
Asked his occupation, Ole said, "Panty Stitcher.. I sew da elastic onto
da ladies cotton panties."
The clerk looked up Panty Stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled
labor, she gave Ole $300 a week in unemployment compensation.
Sven, when asked his occupation replied, "Diesel Fitter".
The clerk looked up Diesel Fitter...and it was classified as a skilled
job. So, the clerk gave Sven $600 a week in unemployment compensation.
When Ole found this out, he was furious! He stormed back into the office
to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his
benefits.
The clerk explained, "Panty Stitchers are unskilled labor and Diesel
Fitters are skilled labor."
"Vat skill? yelled Ole. "I sew da elastic on da panties.
Sven puts dem over his head and says, "Yah, ------------- DIESEL FITTER".
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Ole & Lena
Lena is pregnant with Ole's child. Late one night, Lena vakes Ole and says, " I tink it's time!' So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere > tractor and took her to the hospital to have their first baby. She had a little
boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and said, 'A son! Ain't dat great!'
Well, Ole got excited by dis, but yust den thedoctor spoke up and said, 'Hold on! We ain't finished yet!' The doctor den held up a little girl.He said, 'Hey, Ole! You got you a daughter!' She's a pretty
little ting, too.'
Ole got kind of puzzled by this, an then the doctor said, 'Holey Moley, Ole we still ain't done yet!' The doctor then delivered another boy and said, Ole, you yust had yourself another boy!'
Ole was flabbergasted by this news!
A couple days later, Ole brought Lena and their three children home in the self-propelled combine. He was real serious and he > asked Lena, 'How come we got tree on the first try?'
Lena said, 'You remember dat night we ran out of Vaseline and you vent out in the garage and got dat dere 3-in-1 Oil?'
Ole said, 'Yah, I do. Uffda! It's a dam good ting I didn't get the WD-40.
boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and said, 'A son! Ain't dat great!'
Well, Ole got excited by dis, but yust den thedoctor spoke up and said, 'Hold on! We ain't finished yet!' The doctor den held up a little girl.He said, 'Hey, Ole! You got you a daughter!' She's a pretty
little ting, too.'
Ole got kind of puzzled by this, an then the doctor said, 'Holey Moley, Ole we still ain't done yet!' The doctor then delivered another boy and said, Ole, you yust had yourself another boy!'
Ole was flabbergasted by this news!
A couple days later, Ole brought Lena and their three children home in the self-propelled combine. He was real serious and he > asked Lena, 'How come we got tree on the first try?'
Lena said, 'You remember dat night we ran out of Vaseline and you vent out in the garage and got dat dere 3-in-1 Oil?'
Ole said, 'Yah, I do. Uffda! It's a dam good ting I didn't get the WD-40.
Thank you for your time.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME. ONCE YOU READ THIS YOU WILL UNDERSTAND!
A young man learns what's most important in life from the guy next door.
It had been some time since Jack had seen the old man. College, girls, career, and life itself got in the way.. In fact, Jack moved clear across the country in pursuit of his dreams.
There, in the rush of his busy life, Jack had little time to think about the past and often no time to spend with his wife and son. He was working on his future, and nothing could stop him.
Over the phone, his mother told him, "Mr. Belser died last night. The funeral is Wednesday." Memories flashed through his mind like an old newsreel as he sat quietly remembering his
childhood days.
"Jack, did you hear me?"
"Oh, sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you.. It's been so long since I thought of him. I'm sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago," Jack said.
"Well, he didn't forget you. Every time I saw him he'd ask how you were doing. He'd reminisce about the many days you spent over 'his side of the fence' as he put it," Mom told him.
"I loved that old house he lived in," Jack said.
"You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr. Belser stepped in to make sure you had a man's influence in your life," she said
"He's the one who taught me carpentry," he said. "I wouldn't be in this business if it weren't for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important...Mom, I'll be there for the funeral," Jack said.
As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught the next flight to his hometown. Mr. Belser's funeral was small and uneventful. He had no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away.
The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to see the old house next door one more time.
Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over into another dimension, a leap through space and time The house was exactly as he remembered. Every step held
memories. Every picture, every piece of furniture....Jack stopped suddenly..
"What's wrong, Jack?" his Mom asked. "The box is gone," he said.
"What box?" Mom asked.
"There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk. I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he'd ever tell me was 'the thing I value most,'" Jack said.
It was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except for the box. He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it.
"Now I'll never know what was so valuable to him," Jack said. "I better get some sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom."
It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died. Returning home from work one day Jack discovered a note in his mailbox. "Signature required on a package. No one at home. Please stop
by the main post office within the next three days," the note read.
Early the next day Jack retrieved the package. The small box was old and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention. "Mr. Harold Belser" it read.. Jack took the box out to his car and ripped open the package. There inside was the gold box and an envelope. Jack's hands shook as he read the note inside.
"Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack Bennett. It's the thing I valued most in my life." A small key was taped to the letter. His heart racing, as tears filling his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box. There inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch.
Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he unlatched the cover. Inside he found these words engraved: "Jack, Thanks for your time! -Harold Belser." "The thing he valued most was...my time"
Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his appointments for the next two days. "Why?" Janet, his assistant asked.
"I need some time to spend with my son," he said. "Oh, by the way, Janet, thanks for your time!"
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away," Think about this. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
1. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
2 A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
3 Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
4. You mean the world to someone..
5. If not for you, someone may not be living.
6. You are special and unique.
7. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you trust God to do what's best, and wait on His time, sooner or later, you will get it or something better.
8. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good can still come from it.
9. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
10. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
11.. Always remember the compliments you received... Forget about the rude remarks.
12 . Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know and you'll both be happy.
13. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.
Thank you for you time!
A young man learns what's most important in life from the guy next door.
It had been some time since Jack had seen the old man. College, girls, career, and life itself got in the way.. In fact, Jack moved clear across the country in pursuit of his dreams.
There, in the rush of his busy life, Jack had little time to think about the past and often no time to spend with his wife and son. He was working on his future, and nothing could stop him.
Over the phone, his mother told him, "Mr. Belser died last night. The funeral is Wednesday." Memories flashed through his mind like an old newsreel as he sat quietly remembering his
childhood days.
"Jack, did you hear me?"
"Oh, sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you.. It's been so long since I thought of him. I'm sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago," Jack said.
"Well, he didn't forget you. Every time I saw him he'd ask how you were doing. He'd reminisce about the many days you spent over 'his side of the fence' as he put it," Mom told him.
"I loved that old house he lived in," Jack said.
"You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr. Belser stepped in to make sure you had a man's influence in your life," she said
"He's the one who taught me carpentry," he said. "I wouldn't be in this business if it weren't for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important...Mom, I'll be there for the funeral," Jack said.
As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught the next flight to his hometown. Mr. Belser's funeral was small and uneventful. He had no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away.
The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to see the old house next door one more time.
Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over into another dimension, a leap through space and time The house was exactly as he remembered. Every step held
memories. Every picture, every piece of furniture....Jack stopped suddenly..
"What's wrong, Jack?" his Mom asked. "The box is gone," he said.
"What box?" Mom asked.
"There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk. I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he'd ever tell me was 'the thing I value most,'" Jack said.
It was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except for the box. He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it.
"Now I'll never know what was so valuable to him," Jack said. "I better get some sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom."
It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died. Returning home from work one day Jack discovered a note in his mailbox. "Signature required on a package. No one at home. Please stop
by the main post office within the next three days," the note read.
Early the next day Jack retrieved the package. The small box was old and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention. "Mr. Harold Belser" it read.. Jack took the box out to his car and ripped open the package. There inside was the gold box and an envelope. Jack's hands shook as he read the note inside.
"Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack Bennett. It's the thing I valued most in my life." A small key was taped to the letter. His heart racing, as tears filling his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box. There inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch.
Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he unlatched the cover. Inside he found these words engraved: "Jack, Thanks for your time! -Harold Belser." "The thing he valued most was...my time"
Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his appointments for the next two days. "Why?" Janet, his assistant asked.
"I need some time to spend with my son," he said. "Oh, by the way, Janet, thanks for your time!"
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away," Think about this. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
1. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
2 A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
3 Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
4. You mean the world to someone..
5. If not for you, someone may not be living.
6. You are special and unique.
7. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you trust God to do what's best, and wait on His time, sooner or later, you will get it or something better.
8. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good can still come from it.
9. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
10. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
11.. Always remember the compliments you received... Forget about the rude remarks.
12 . Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know and you'll both be happy.
13. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.
Thank you for you time!
HOW IS NORMA?
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked,
"Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"
The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?"
The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."
The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."
After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."
The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good
news."
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"
The grandmother said,"No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me anything."
TRUE STORY
"Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"
The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?"
The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."
The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."
After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."
The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good
news."
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"
The grandmother said,"No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me anything."
TRUE STORY
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Biology Class Exam
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their exam.
The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk', worth
70 points or none at all.
One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.
He wrote:
(1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before
the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers... and the cat can't get it.
He got an A.
The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk', worth
70 points or none at all.
One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.
He wrote:
(1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before
the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers... and the cat can't get it.
He got an A.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Why Fire Trucks have Dalmatians
Why did old-time fire trucks have dogs (usually dalmatians) on board? Were the dogs just mascots, or did they serve some purpose?
Originally, dogs ran in front of horse-drawn steam engines, barking loudly to alert pedestrians and vehicles so the fire wagon could pass unhindered. Dalmatians were fit and loyal enough for this work, and they got along well with the horses. With the advent of gasoline-powered fire engines, the dalmatians weren't really needed any longer, but they became a kid-friendly symbol of the honorable profession of fire fighting.
Originally, dogs ran in front of horse-drawn steam engines, barking loudly to alert pedestrians and vehicles so the fire wagon could pass unhindered. Dalmatians were fit and loyal enough for this work, and they got along well with the horses. With the advent of gasoline-powered fire engines, the dalmatians weren't really needed any longer, but they became a kid-friendly symbol of the honorable profession of fire fighting.
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