Did you know?
Bar codes that start with:
00-09 Made in the U. S. or Canada
30-37 Made in France
40-44 Made in Germany
50 Made in the United Kingdom
471 Made in Taiwan
690, 691, 692 Made in China
Friday, March 26, 2010
Burglar murdered?
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE
WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi,was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me. The police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again..
"Hello,I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed.. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right now." and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team,a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George , "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi,was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me. The police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again..
"Hello,I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed.. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right now." and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team,a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George , "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Funny Advertising
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
'Dr. Jones, at your cervix.'
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In a Podiatrist's office:
Time Wounds All Heels.
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On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals--on Wheels
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At a Proctologist's door:
To expedite your visit, please back in.
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On a Plumber's truck:
We Repair What Your Husband Fixed
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On another Plumber's truck:
Don't sleep with a drip; Call your plumber!
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On a Church's Billboard:
7 days without God makes one weak.
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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
Invite us to your next blowout.
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At a Towing company:
We don't charge an arm and a leg:
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On an Electrician's truck:
Let Us Remove Your Shorts
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In a Nonsmoking Area:
If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
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On a Maternity Room door:
Push. Push. Push!
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At an Optometrist's Office:
If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
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On a Taxidermist's window:
We really know our stuff.
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On a Fence:
Salesmen Welcome! Dog Food Is Expensive!
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At a Car Dealership:
The best way to get back on your feet: miss a car payment.
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Outside a Muffler Shop:
No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.
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In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
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We will be de-lighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be.
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In a Restaurant window:
Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.
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In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
Drive carefully! We'll wait...
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At a Propane Filling Station:
Thank heaven for little grills.
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And don't forget the sign at a
CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:
Best place in town to take a leak
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Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
CAUTION - This Truck is Full of Political Promises
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Coupons for Military Families
Just a quick update for participants, congratulate yourself - we have collect $80,000 since mid-May last year.
We are now sending coupons to U.S. Naval Air Facility in Atsugi Japan. We have sent coupons to Sigonnelli Sicily and Brussels Belgium until they reached sufficiency.
I'm sure the families really appreciate the help!
We are now sending coupons to U.S. Naval Air Facility in Atsugi Japan. We have sent coupons to Sigonnelli Sicily and Brussels Belgium until they reached sufficiency.
I'm sure the families really appreciate the help!
Minnesota Commandments
1. Der's only one God, ya know.
2. Don't make that fish on your mantle an idol.
3. Cussin ain't Minnesota nice.
4. Go to church even when you're up nort.
5. Honor your folks.
6. Don't kill. Catch and release.
7. There's only one Lena for every Ole. No cheatin.
8. If it ain't your lutefisk, don't take it.
9. Don't be braggin bout how much snow ya shoveled.
10. Keep your mind off your neighbor's hotdish.
First grade logic!
Little Susie goes home from school and tells her mother that the boys keep asking her to do cartwheels because she's very good at doing them.
"YOU should say NO - they only want to look at your undies".
Susie said: " I know they do ...
that's why I hide them in my backpack"!!
Retire where?
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where......
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .....
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (Editor note: if you have a car)
You can retire to Maine where...
1. You only have four spices:
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
You can retire to the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killing'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.
You can retire to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You can retire to the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"
AND You can retire to Florida where..
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .....
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (Editor note: if you have a car)
You can retire to Maine where...
1. You only have four spices:
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
You can retire to the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killing'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.
You can retire to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You can retire to the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"
AND You can retire to Florida where..
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
Save someone with a stroke
STROKE: Remember the 1st Three Letters.... S. T. R.
STROKE IDENTIFICATION:
A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.
Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
S *Ask the individual to SMILE.
T *Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently)
(i.e. It is sunny out today.)
R *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.
If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call emergency number immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.
New Sign of a Stroke -------- Stick out Your Tongue
NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other, that is also an indication of a stroke.
Grandchildren - at their best...
1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes
of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she
applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma,
you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put
lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye...
2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He
asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a
moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old
slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the
children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room,
putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she
heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood
was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a
tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard.. We rode our pony. We picked
wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this
all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how
you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are
we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.
6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word
processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he
asked.. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read.."
7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I
decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was.
She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued.
At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try
to figure out some of these, yourself!"
8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the
lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.
Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy
whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with
flashlights."
of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she
applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma,
you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put
lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye...
2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He
asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a
moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old
slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the
children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room,
putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she
heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood
was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a
tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard.. We rode our pony. We picked
wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this
all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how
you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are
we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.
6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word
processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he
asked.. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read.."
7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I
decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was.
She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued.
At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try
to figure out some of these, yourself!"
8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the
lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.
Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy
whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with
flashlights."
Patsy Cline Lip Sync
http://www.sendspace.com/file/cdxliv (to download go 2/3rd down the page to avoid advertisements)
The Cat Roomba
The Cat Roomba
Launch the following:
http://www.sendspace.com/file/wzpjht
and look for the flashing red arrow followed by "Download"
Launch the following:
http://www.sendspace.com/file/wzpjht
and look for the flashing red arrow followed by "Download"
Constructing the Hoover Dam bridge
Creeping closer inch by inch, 900 feet above the mighty Colorado River, the two sides of a $160 million bridge at the Hoover Dam slowly take shape. The bridge will carry a new section of US Route 93 past the bottleneck of the old road which can be seen twisting and winding around and across the dam itself.
When complete, it will provide a new link between the states of Nevada and Arizona .
In an incredible feat of engineering, the road will be supported on the two massive
concrete arches which jut out of the rock face.
The arches are made up of 53 individual sections each 24 feet long which have been
cast on-site and are being lifted into place using an improvised high-wire crane strung between temporary steel pylons.
The arches will eventually measure more than 1,000 feet across.
At the moment, the structure looks like a traditional suspension bridge.
But once the arches are complete, the suspending cables on each side will be removed. Extra vertical columns will then be installed on the arches to carry the road.
These photos were furnished by the Hoover Dam construction group from their web site.
The bridge has become known as the Hoover Dam bypass, although it is officially called the Mike O'Callaghan-Pat Tillman Memorial Bridge, after a former governor of Nevada and an American Football player from Arizona who joined the US Army and was killed in Afghanistan.
Work on the bridge started in 2005 and should finish next year. An estimated 17,000 cars and trucks will cross it every day.
The dam was started in 1931 and used enough concrete to build a road from New York
to San Francisco. The stretch of water it created, Lake Mead , is 110 miles long and took six years to fill. The original road was opened at the same time as the famous dam in 1936.
An extra note: The top of the white band of rock in Lake Mead is the old waterline prior
to the drought and development in the Las Vegas area. It is over 100 feet above the
current water level...
Friday, March 19, 2010
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Wild Life
Mom, Dad, Uncle Jim - Don't Move Yet!
Mama, I Promise I won't do that again.
Come On, Throw the Ball...Come On - Throw It!
He's not my brother and He is just HEAVY!
Just wait a few years and try that again! YEAH!
Hummmmm...I know you think you understand what I said, but I'm not sure you understood what I meant.
I'm squished...We need a bigger bed!
Hey, can I have a bit of that?
Hey, What's with this warm spot?
Take your chances - tickle my belly.
HIYEEEEEEEAAAAAYAH!
How Long?
A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About two hours."
The guy left.
A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How
long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop
and said," About three hours."
The guy left.
A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long
before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said,
"About an hour and a half."
The guy left.
The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill, do me a favor. Follow
that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait
for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back.
"A little while later Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"
Bill looked up, tears in his eyes from laughter and said, "Your house."
Free bus rides on Nicollet Mall
Star Tribune advises free bus rides will be offered starting Saturday on Nicollet Mall in downtown Minneapolis, Metro Transit said Tuesday. The free service on selected routes between Grant Street and Washington Avenue S. will be offered on buses with "Free Ride" showing on their exterior signs. Other buses on Nicollet will charge 50 cents.
The free-ride buses will run every 10 minutes on weekdays and every 15 to 30 minutes on weekends, said Metro Transit General Manager Brian Lamb. The free service, part of the city's 10-year transportation plan, is being offered two years ahead of schedule.
Also starting Saturday, buses on Nicollet will stop at every other block between 5th and 13th Streets, rather than every block as they do now. That will allow buses to run their routes more quickly. Express buses currently on Nicollet will move to the new Marquette and 2nd transit corridor, which will cut the number of buses on the mall by 35 percent during rush hours, Metro Transit said.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
You Tube Biker - beyond imagination
I'm certainly glad I'm not this young man's mother - I'd never sleep...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z19zFlPah-o
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z19zFlPah-o
Created reason to celebrate St. Patrick's Day
WHY ST. PATRICKS DAY IS CELEBRATED EACH YEAR IN AMERICA
The reason the Irish celebrate St. Patrick's Day is because this is when St. Patrick drove the Norwegians out of Ireland.
It seems that some centuries ago, many Norwegians came to Ireland to escape the bitterness of the Norwegian winter. Ireland was having a famine at the time, and food was scarce. The Norwegians were eating almost all the fish caught in the area, leaving the Irish with nothing to eat but potatoes. St. Patrick, taking matters into his own hands, as most Irishmen do, decided that the Norwegians had to go.
Secretly, he organized the Irish IRATRION (Irish Republican Army to Rid Ireland of Norwegians).
Irish members of IRATRION passed a law in Ireland that prohibited merchants from selling ice boxes or ice to the Norwegians, in hopes that their fish would spoil. This would force the Norwegians to flee to a colder climate where their fish would keep. Well, the fish spoiled all right, but the Norwegians, as everyone knows today, thrive on spoiled fish. So, faced with failure, the desperate Irishmen sneaked into the Norwegians fish storage caves in the dead of night and sprinkled the rotten fish with lye, hoping to poison the Norwegian invaders.
But, as everyone knows, the Norwegians thought this only added to the flavor of the fish, and they liked it so much, they decided to call it "lutefisk", which is Norwegian for 'luscious fish'.
Matters became even worse for the Irishmen when the Norwegians started taking over the Irish potato crop and making something called 'lefse'. Poor St. Patrick was at his wits end. and finally on March 17th, he blew his top and told all the Norwegians to GET OUT !
So they all got in their boats and emigrated to Minnesota or the Dakota's, the only other paradise on Earth where smelly fish, old potatoes, and plenty of cold weather can be found in abundance.
The End.
The reason the Irish celebrate St. Patrick's Day is because this is when St. Patrick drove the Norwegians out of Ireland.
It seems that some centuries ago, many Norwegians came to Ireland to escape the bitterness of the Norwegian winter. Ireland was having a famine at the time, and food was scarce. The Norwegians were eating almost all the fish caught in the area, leaving the Irish with nothing to eat but potatoes. St. Patrick, taking matters into his own hands, as most Irishmen do, decided that the Norwegians had to go.
Secretly, he organized the Irish IRATRION (Irish Republican Army to Rid Ireland of Norwegians).
Irish members of IRATRION passed a law in Ireland that prohibited merchants from selling ice boxes or ice to the Norwegians, in hopes that their fish would spoil. This would force the Norwegians to flee to a colder climate where their fish would keep. Well, the fish spoiled all right, but the Norwegians, as everyone knows today, thrive on spoiled fish. So, faced with failure, the desperate Irishmen sneaked into the Norwegians fish storage caves in the dead of night and sprinkled the rotten fish with lye, hoping to poison the Norwegian invaders.
But, as everyone knows, the Norwegians thought this only added to the flavor of the fish, and they liked it so much, they decided to call it "lutefisk", which is Norwegian for 'luscious fish'.
Matters became even worse for the Irishmen when the Norwegians started taking over the Irish potato crop and making something called 'lefse'. Poor St. Patrick was at his wits end. and finally on March 17th, he blew his top and told all the Norwegians to GET OUT !
So they all got in their boats and emigrated to Minnesota or the Dakota's, the only other paradise on Earth where smelly fish, old potatoes, and plenty of cold weather can be found in abundance.
The End.
Best Pets
They help around the house:
.
They protect our children:
.
They look out for the smaller ones...
.
They show us how to relax...
.
They love their teddies...
They help you when you are down...
.
They are great helping to decorate for the holidays...
.
They have great expectations...
They are patriotic...
.
They are happy to test the water...
.
They know their boss...
And, they know when we need a good LAUGH...
.
Have you smiled today? Here, let me show you know...
They protect our children:
.
They look out for the smaller ones...
They show us how to relax...
They love their teddies...
They help you when you are down...
They are great helping to decorate for the holidays...
They have great expectations...
They are patriotic...
They are happy to test the water...
They know their boss...
And, they know when we need a good LAUGH...
Have you smiled today? Here, let me show you know...
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