Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Personal Ad

ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD


To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That really made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that?

Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number, etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex

P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil society!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Hooters Calendar

Just for you...
http://www.sendspace.com/file/h4e1hl

Quebec - winter wonderland

I've been to Quebec in the summer.  Admittedly, this is much prettier though very nice in the summer.
http://www.sendspace.com/file/3m7xiz

The Price of Children

A reminder of how beautiful children are.  This is a wave file:

http://www.sendspace.com/file/qyw7ad

Ernie Ford

Enjoy this music.  For those of us young enough to remember Ernie Ford, this is a real treat!
It is a wave file and will slow the network.
Launch:     http://www.sendspace.com/file/p2syuz

Ole & Sven

Ole and Sven were drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Minneapolis and one day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.


Ole said, "I vish ve had somethin ta drink!"

Sven says, "Me too. Y'know, I hear you can drink dat yet fuel and get a buzz. Ya vanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and got completely smashed.

Next morning Ole woke up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects.


Nothing!

The phone rang. It was Sven who asks "How iss you feelin dis mornin?"


Ole says, "I feel great. How bout you?"

Sven says, "I feel great, too. Ya don't have no hangover?"

Ole says, "No dat yet fuel iss great stuff -- no hangover, nothin. Ve oughta do dis more
often."

Sven agreed."Yeah, vell, but dere's yust vun ting."


Ole asked, "Vat's dat?"

Sven questioned, "Haff you farted yet?"

Ole stopped to think.   "No "


"Vell, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Milvaukee"
Why Your Group Wasn't Invited to Perform at the Super Bowl:

Launch the following:
http://www.sendspace.com/file/2dff95

This is a wave file.

Bolivian Super Highway



You are about to see the most amazing road.




COME WITH ME . . .

to a very, very high-way in Bolivia, South America.

Stremnaya Road is nicknamed "The Road of Death",

which will not be surprising after you see these photos.


Buckle Up . . . here we go!












Seen Enough???


Oh, No, Your Trip Isn't Over Yet...


Keep that seat belt fastened!



No Traffic at all today!!


Oops -- Spoke Too Soon!


Shift down into Low For This Hairpin Turn.


Ok... Back into Top Gear and Accelerate.


That's Great! Time to zoom along again.


Hey, It's Pretty Wide Here. Should be Easy To Pass!


Hang On! (Wish I Had The Inside Lane.)


Just Honk and The Oncoming Car Will Move Over, Right?


Uh, I Don't Think He Heard Your Horn.


Sorry - Road Repairs.


We Just Lost The Curb This Morning.

Not Much Further Now...


Do I hear prayers?


Thanks For Coming -- You Made It This Time!


Now, After That Ride, Tell Me Honestly:


Are You Going To Complain About Your 


Traffic-Congested Super Highways Ever Again???






Tender Dancers

Enjoy beautiful dancing from very talented youngsters.  Their performance is astonishing.

This is a wave file - please refrain from launching this at work.  It will slow down the network.

http://www.sendspace.com/file/9ruqkh

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Christmas Update

Click on:
http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/o/holm5215/Untilxmas/Index.html

Raising Squirrel

Debby Cantlon, who plans to release Finnegan, the young squirrel, back into the wild, bottle-fed the infant squirrel after it was brought to her house.
When Cantlon took in the tiny creature and began caring for him, she found herself with an unlikely nurse's aide: her pregnant
   Papillion, Mademoiselle Giselle.



Finnegan was resting in a nest in a cage just days before Giselle was due to deliver her puppies..


Cantlon and her husband watched as the dog dragged the squirrel's cage twice to her
                  own bedside before she gave birth.


Cantlon was concerned, yet ultimately decided to allow the squirrel out and the inter-species bonding began.


Finnegan rides a puppy mosh pit of sorts, burrowing in for warmth after feeding,
                      eventually working his way beneath his new litter mates.


                      Two days after giving birth, mama dog Giselle allowed Finnegan to nurse; family photos and a videotape show her encouraging him to suckle alongside her litter of five pups.


                       Now, Finnegan mostly uses a bottle, but still snuggles with his 'siblings' in a mosh
                       pit of puppies, rolling atop their bodies, and sinking in deeply for a nap.


Finnegan and his new litter mates, five Papillion puppies, get along together as if they were meant to.


Finnegan naps after feeding.


Finnegan makes himself at home with his new litter mates, nuzzling nose-to-nose for a nap after feeding.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Keep loving everyone, even the squirrelly

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Cruise control problems

I Wonder How Many People Know About This:




A 36 year old female had an accident several weeks ago and totaled her car.



A resident of Kilgore , Texas she was traveling between Gladewater & Kilgore. It was raining, though not excessively, when her car suddenly began to hydro-plane and literally flew through the air. She was not seriously injured but very stunned at the sudden occurrence!



When she explained to the highway patrolman what had happened he told her something that every driver should

know:



NEVER DRIVE IN THE RAIN WITH YOUR CRUISE CONTROL ON!!!

She thought she was being cautious by setting the cruise control and maintaining a safe consistent speed in the rain.

But the highway patrolman told her that if the cruise control is on when your car begins to hydro-plane and your tires lose contact with the pavement, your car will accelerate to a higher rate of speed making you take off like an airplane.

She told the patrolman that was exactly what had occurred.

The patrolman said this warning should be listed on the driver's seat sun-visor:
NEVER USE THE CRUISE CONTROL WHEN THE PAVEMENT IS WET OR ICY, along with the airbag warning.

We tell our teenagers to set the cruise control and drive a safe speed, but we don't tell them to use the cruise control only when the pavement is dry.

The only person the accident victim found, who knew this (besides the patrolman), was a man who had had a similar accident, totaled his car and sustained severe injuries.

NOTE: Some vehicles (like the Toyota Sienna Limited XLE) will not allow you to set the cruise control when the windshield wipers are on.

Help yourself while having a heart attack

Having a heart attack while along would be frightening.  See steps to save yourself until help can arrive.

http://www.sendspace.com/file/ny8aom

Show your badge!

The Power of a Badge.....

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.


The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......


With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs......



" Your badge. Show him your BADGE ! "

Christmas Protection

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,

I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.



The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.


The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know, Then the
sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.



Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.


"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..


To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night."
"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.


No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at ' Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ' Nam ',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.


I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.
I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.


I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."


" So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."


Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

PLEASE, would you do me the kind favor of sending this to as many
people as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is due to our
U.S service men and women for our being able to celebrate these
festivities. Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we owe. Make people
stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed themselves for us.



LCDR Jeff Giles, SC, USN
30th Naval Construction Regiment
OIC, Logistics Cell One
Al Taqqadum, Iraq

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Red Friday

Red Shirt


If the red shirt thing is new to you, read below how it went for a man...

Last week, while traveling to Chicago on business, I noticed a Marine sergeant traveling with a folded flag, but did not put two and two together..

After we boarded our flight, I turned to the sergeant, who'd been invited to sit in First Class (across from me), and inquired if he was heading home.

No, he responded.

Heading out I asked?

No. I'm escorting a soldier home.

Going to pick him up?

No. He is with me right now. He was killed in Iraq , I'm taking him home to his family.

The realization of what he had been asked to do hit me like a punch to the gut. It was an honor for him. He told me that, although he didn't know the soldier, he had delivered the news of his passing to the soldier's family and felt as if he knew them after many conversations in so few days.

I turned back to him, extended my hand, and said, Thank you Thank you for doing what you do so my family and I can do what we do.

Upon landing in Chicago the pilot stopped short of the gate and made the following announcement over the intercom.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to note that we have had the honor of having Sergeant Steeley of the United States Marine Corps join us on this flight He is escorting a fallen comrade back home to his family. I ask that you please remain in your seats when we open the forward door to allow Sergeant Steeley to deplane and receive his fellow soldier. We will then turn off the seat belt sign."

Without a sound, all went as requested. I noticed the sergeant saluting the casket as it was brought off the plane, and his action made me realize that I am proud to be an American.

So here's a public Thank You to our military Men and Women for what you do so we can live the way we do.



Red Fridays.

Very soon, you will see a great many people wearing Red every Friday. The reason? Americans who support our troops used to be called the "silent majority." We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for God, country and home in record breaking numbers. We are not organized, boisterous or overbearing.

Many Americans, like you, me and all our friends, simply want to recognize that the vast majority of America supports our troops. Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday -- and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that ... Every red-blooded American who supports our men and women afar,will wear something red.

By word of mouth, press, TV -- let's make the United States on every Friday a sea of red much like a homecoming football game in the bleachers. If every one of us who loves this country will share this with acquaintances, coworkers, friends, and family, it will not be long before the USA is covered in RED and it will let our troops know the once "silent" majority i s on their side more than ever, certainly more than the media lets on.

The first thing a soldier says when asked "What can we do to make things better for you?" is. "We need your support and your prayers." Let's get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example, and wear something red every Friday.

Christmas card

A very beautiful Christmas card...

http://ecard.ashland.edu/2004admission/index.html

A bad day!

A bad day!

http://www.sendspace.com/file/f01qoz

Santa's jigsaw puzzle

Santa's jigsaw puzzle - have fun:

http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=ER13610552

Street Artist









CHALK GUY IS BACK!

Hard to believe that these are drawn on a FLAT sidewalk surface


















Street Artist's.....newest creations - Edgar Mueller Super Artist

Great Crevase Edgar Mueller. Hard work: Together with up to five assistants, Mueller painted all day long from sunrise to sunset.


The picture appeared on the East Pier in Dun Laoghaire , Ireland , as part of the town's Festival of World Cultures.






He spent five days, working 12 hours a day, to create the 250 square metre image of the crevasse, which, viewed from the correct angle, appears to be 3D. He then persuaded passers-by to complete the illusion by pretending the gaping hole was real.

'I wanted to play with positives and negatives to encourage people to think twice about everything they see,' he said. 'It was a very scary scene, but when people saw it they had great fun playing on it and pretending to fall into the earth. 'I like to think that later, when they returned home, they might reflect more on what a frightening scenario it was and say, "Wow, that was actually pretty scary."

Mueller, who has previously painted a giant waterfall in Canada , said he was inspired by the British 'Pavement Picasso' Julian Beever, whose dramatic but more gentle 3D street images have featured in the Daily Mail.

This guy is amazing no matter how you look at it!